+ I wish he was confident in his work, b/c everytime he turns me around I have to put on my glasses.
+ Oh crap, did I clean my ears?
+ Why should I move my elbow, he's the one with the belly.
+ 5 bucks.....not too bad.
+ Except....when you only pay five bucks, you can't say more than seven words about how you want it cut.
+ Oh crap, now I have to clean my ears.
Friday, December 31, 2004
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
New Soap Day.....YESSSS
I am now clean after not having a real shower for three days. Now, mind you I took a shower—just not a real one. Allow me to explain. This is my story, won't you?
The final few days of a bar of soap are worthless. I mean, it spends it's last laugh of life as a mere 2mm-thin sliver of slippery fodder for the drain. There's no possible way to get clean with this thing....especially me. By the time I can lightly tap my face with it, my face is already spewing more oil, even dirtier now b/c it's wet....and face grease and water don't mix. So.....the pleasure of New Soap Day means that I can be clean again. It's like that feeling of the Weekends when I lived in Starkville.
You see, I was never really clean during the week. Sure, Andrew and I had soap and a shower, but it just wasn't happening let me tell you. I blame this on the fact that a.) The hot water only lasted 5 minutes. This was really good b/c when my parents aren't paying the bills I actually like to conserve water. I this case I was forced to be as quick as possible and had to neglect certain areas of extensive cleaning. This was hindered greater by the fact that Andrew was in the next room....no bother, I'm just taking a shower. But if he were to walk down the hall it would be odd b/c b.) the door was wide open b/c of no light in the bathroom. Now, no real problem b/c it wouldn't matter except for the fact that c.) the shower curtain was semi-clear.
Now, if I were to devote a shower to cleaning a certain area, more than just cleaning would begin to happen. This would in effect be not cool b/c a.) The hot water wouldn't last and even if it did and Andrew walked by b.) the door would be open and b/c the shower curtain was c.) semi-clear the extensive cleaning would appear to be something else which would most likely be the case.
So, by the weekend I would be craving a nice hot long shower and it would be great.
Thus New Soap Day is.......pretty sweet.
The final few days of a bar of soap are worthless. I mean, it spends it's last laugh of life as a mere 2mm-thin sliver of slippery fodder for the drain. There's no possible way to get clean with this thing....especially me. By the time I can lightly tap my face with it, my face is already spewing more oil, even dirtier now b/c it's wet....and face grease and water don't mix. So.....the pleasure of New Soap Day means that I can be clean again. It's like that feeling of the Weekends when I lived in Starkville.
You see, I was never really clean during the week. Sure, Andrew and I had soap and a shower, but it just wasn't happening let me tell you. I blame this on the fact that a.) The hot water only lasted 5 minutes. This was really good b/c when my parents aren't paying the bills I actually like to conserve water. I this case I was forced to be as quick as possible and had to neglect certain areas of extensive cleaning. This was hindered greater by the fact that Andrew was in the next room....no bother, I'm just taking a shower. But if he were to walk down the hall it would be odd b/c b.) the door was wide open b/c of no light in the bathroom. Now, no real problem b/c it wouldn't matter except for the fact that c.) the shower curtain was semi-clear.
Now, if I were to devote a shower to cleaning a certain area, more than just cleaning would begin to happen. This would in effect be not cool b/c a.) The hot water wouldn't last and even if it did and Andrew walked by b.) the door would be open and b/c the shower curtain was c.) semi-clear the extensive cleaning would appear to be something else which would most likely be the case.
So, by the weekend I would be craving a nice hot long shower and it would be great.
Thus New Soap Day is.......pretty sweet.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Sunday, December 26, 2004
The Spoils Of War....
Ahhh yes....Thursday.
I was lying in my bed a little after lunch, and mom leaves to go check on my grandparents. She stopped at the mailbox on her way out, and popped back in and from my room I hear her tell me I had a package. Light Bulb: my RotK:EE DVD has arrived.
Well....I wasn't into any movie at the moment....so that afternoon would be the prime time to watch it, seeing as how it would take the rest of the day. Well, I open the box, open the DVD, and set it into the tray of my DVD player. However, my room was a bit dark b/c of the rain, and I didn't know that I didn't set it properly in the tray and I press the close button.
DVD slides up....lodges in the player tray.....player CAN'T READ DISC.
So, half an hour, seven screws and a useless butterknife later I got to watch Return of the King Extended Edition. Happy ending, but crappy start.
I was lying in my bed a little after lunch, and mom leaves to go check on my grandparents. She stopped at the mailbox on her way out, and popped back in and from my room I hear her tell me I had a package. Light Bulb: my RotK:EE DVD has arrived.
Well....I wasn't into any movie at the moment....so that afternoon would be the prime time to watch it, seeing as how it would take the rest of the day. Well, I open the box, open the DVD, and set it into the tray of my DVD player. However, my room was a bit dark b/c of the rain, and I didn't know that I didn't set it properly in the tray and I press the close button.
DVD slides up....lodges in the player tray.....player CAN'T READ DISC.
So, half an hour, seven screws and a useless butterknife later I got to watch Return of the King Extended Edition. Happy ending, but crappy start.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
You Jumped The Shark In Season 4....
+ Remember those 3-D image things that were wildly popular many years ago? Those 'Magic Eye' things where you have to stare at the design and an image pops up at you?
+ I feel that I deserve some props for bringing one of the best movies into people I know's lives. I don't want to see a single post about 'that movie' (whether I know you or not) and how it is sooo great. I saw this movie in the theaters and either took or told you to go see it. And only now that it's out you are saying how good it is. Fuck You.
+ I eat b/c I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy b/c I eat.
+ The ugly stepsister moment from Shrek 2 didn't seem to go over at all with my parents—no response whatsoever. I thought that was the second best moment (compared to Puss licking himself) in the film. They only really got the fart and kicking in the balls jokes. That and EVERYTHING donkey did.
+ As always.......Far Side is awesome.
+ Children's Benadryl Allergy Syrup makes me sleepy.
+ It makes me type things that waste your time.
+ My grandma said the 'n' word alot Friday. We all laughed b/c it was sooo blatant and hateful....and funny. Then she kept saying it b/c she thought we would continue to laugh.
+ So.....widescreen plasma HDTVs are all the rage now, right? So....where does that leave the people who buy the full-screen versions of movies. Aren't they basically screwed now and cheated out of movie?
+ I don't know how to play the odds & evens thing with your fingers and your friends.
+ It's insane, this guy's taint!
+ DON'T PANIC
+ The worst way to ID someone (who is OBVIOUSLY over 18) is to ask—while punching in the amount on the register—"How old are you?"
+ "No News" on the happenings of movies I'm anticipating is NOT "Good News."
....I hope I haven't taken up too much of your time.
+ I feel that I deserve some props for bringing one of the best movies into people I know's lives. I don't want to see a single post about 'that movie' (whether I know you or not) and how it is sooo great. I saw this movie in the theaters and either took or told you to go see it. And only now that it's out you are saying how good it is. Fuck You.
+ I eat b/c I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy b/c I eat.
+ The ugly stepsister moment from Shrek 2 didn't seem to go over at all with my parents—no response whatsoever. I thought that was the second best moment (compared to Puss licking himself) in the film. They only really got the fart and kicking in the balls jokes. That and EVERYTHING donkey did.
+ As always.......Far Side is awesome.
+ Children's Benadryl Allergy Syrup makes me sleepy.
+ It makes me type things that waste your time.
+ My grandma said the 'n' word alot Friday. We all laughed b/c it was sooo blatant and hateful....and funny. Then she kept saying it b/c she thought we would continue to laugh.
+ So.....widescreen plasma HDTVs are all the rage now, right? So....where does that leave the people who buy the full-screen versions of movies. Aren't they basically screwed now and cheated out of movie?
+ I don't know how to play the odds & evens thing with your fingers and your friends.
+ It's insane, this guy's taint!
+ DON'T PANIC
+ The worst way to ID someone (who is OBVIOUSLY over 18) is to ask—while punching in the amount on the register—"How old are you?"
+ "No News" on the happenings of movies I'm anticipating is NOT "Good News."
....I hope I haven't taken up too much of your time.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Pop Down To The Winchester?
Ahhh yes....thank you TV for wasting time in my life:
Tonight on National Geographic TV I watched the 2-hour special about the Da Vinci code. Now, I had forgotten that this is an insanely popular book....and that Tom Hanks will be starring in the Ron Howard-directed film adaptation in 2006.....but what I didn't know was that the entire plot was ripped off by my friend. (If you haven't yet.....I would advise you to skip down to Saturday's post to read about "National Treasure" first.)
Ahhh yes.....it seems that the basic plot of the Da Vinci Code is that Jesus Christ was actually married to Mary Magdalene....and they produced a child, whose bloodline still exists today in France. Well, very few people knew about this, and it was kept hidden by the church, and only a secret sect knew the info. It just so happpened that Leonardo Da Vinci was a member of this sect, and hid clues in his paintings about Mary Magdalene being Jesus' wife.
Now, that should make you think of the recent classic starring Nicolas Cage....but that's not all....there's also all this hoopla about the group known as the Knights Templar—also the ones who hid the treasure and passed the traditions with the Freemasons to America in "National Treasure." So National Treasure was a rip-off....it just changed the subject matter from Jesus to treasure, and moved it to America.
Well.....it's still very interesting and I'm sort of anticipating "The Da Vinci Code" movie.....though I think it's going to be a few years, b/c it is supposed to tie in with the 700th anniversary of the Knights Templar being banised by the Pope, and that happens October 13th, 2007. So, it's all kooky b/c the present-day Knights want an official apology from the Pope BEFORE that date. I can't find anywhere on the internet exactly what they'll do if it doesn't happen, so if you run across that, let me know.
___________________________
So, Monday night......11—11.30 pm........who's up for a midnight run to Oxford? I'm planning to get Napolean Dynamite AND Shaun Of The Dead if Wal-Mart is so kind enough to have them out at midnight.
Now, this is dumb and retarded for Two Reasons: (a.) It will be incredibly late Monday night, and I have to work Tuesday morning and therefore won't even get to watch either of them so I may as well (b.) Just as easily get them Tuesday afternoon.
However, I choose NOT to, because (a.) Tuesday afternoon I will want to go home b/c I was up so late and we are trying to cram 4.5 days' worth of production into 2 days b/c of Xmas and (b.) it's very lame and retarded.
Sooo.....if you want to go, be at the station between 11 and 11.30 monday night. Oh, I still have to call to gurantee they'll be on display at mid-night. If not, you can be guaranteed that dogs CAN look up.
Tonight on National Geographic TV I watched the 2-hour special about the Da Vinci code. Now, I had forgotten that this is an insanely popular book....and that Tom Hanks will be starring in the Ron Howard-directed film adaptation in 2006.....but what I didn't know was that the entire plot was ripped off by my friend. (If you haven't yet.....I would advise you to skip down to Saturday's post to read about "National Treasure" first.)
Ahhh yes.....it seems that the basic plot of the Da Vinci Code is that Jesus Christ was actually married to Mary Magdalene....and they produced a child, whose bloodline still exists today in France. Well, very few people knew about this, and it was kept hidden by the church, and only a secret sect knew the info. It just so happpened that Leonardo Da Vinci was a member of this sect, and hid clues in his paintings about Mary Magdalene being Jesus' wife.
Now, that should make you think of the recent classic starring Nicolas Cage....but that's not all....there's also all this hoopla about the group known as the Knights Templar—also the ones who hid the treasure and passed the traditions with the Freemasons to America in "National Treasure." So National Treasure was a rip-off....it just changed the subject matter from Jesus to treasure, and moved it to America.
Well.....it's still very interesting and I'm sort of anticipating "The Da Vinci Code" movie.....though I think it's going to be a few years, b/c it is supposed to tie in with the 700th anniversary of the Knights Templar being banised by the Pope, and that happens October 13th, 2007. So, it's all kooky b/c the present-day Knights want an official apology from the Pope BEFORE that date. I can't find anywhere on the internet exactly what they'll do if it doesn't happen, so if you run across that, let me know.
___________________________
So, Monday night......11—11.30 pm........who's up for a midnight run to Oxford? I'm planning to get Napolean Dynamite AND Shaun Of The Dead if Wal-Mart is so kind enough to have them out at midnight.
Now, this is dumb and retarded for Two Reasons: (a.) It will be incredibly late Monday night, and I have to work Tuesday morning and therefore won't even get to watch either of them so I may as well (b.) Just as easily get them Tuesday afternoon.
However, I choose NOT to, because (a.) Tuesday afternoon I will want to go home b/c I was up so late and we are trying to cram 4.5 days' worth of production into 2 days b/c of Xmas and (b.) it's very lame and retarded.
Sooo.....if you want to go, be at the station between 11 and 11.30 monday night. Oh, I still have to call to gurantee they'll be on display at mid-night. If not, you can be guaranteed that dogs CAN look up.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Shewwww.........I just finished watching Ingmar Bergman's "The Seventh Seal"
........Yes. If you'll excuse me for a minute, I need some time. And a snack.
_______________
(12 minutes and 1 raspberry tart without so much rat in it later)
_______________
So now that I'm doubly depressed and thinking about (meaningless) life and death because of Mr. Bergman.......I'm going to pour myself a good stiff drink. This is not a good Holiday happy-go-lucky film for just anyone.
On a fan-boy note (I'm sorry......I'm ALWAYS a new-comer to these trendy fads of fan bases, so you'll have to overlook me; or make fun of me) I have discovered that the incidental and theme music of the '70s "Hitchhiker's Guide" BBC radio production is in fact (sit down....) an Eagles song! Yes.....excuse me while I pour myself ANOTHER drink. Called "Journey of the Sorcerer", this early Eagles song served as the opening and closing theme music for "The Guide." Man, I don't care how big they were in the '70s...that's SOOOO uncool. Especially for something as meaningful as that. Man, the Eagles ruin everything.
I mean, that would be the equivalent of the Marshall Tucker band doing "Into The West" from 'Return of the King.'
But........I really like that music. Too bad the only good part is very short and in the middle of a 6.5 minute instrumental.
........Yes. If you'll excuse me for a minute, I need some time. And a snack.
_______________
(12 minutes and 1 raspberry tart without so much rat in it later)
_______________
So now that I'm doubly depressed and thinking about (meaningless) life and death because of Mr. Bergman.......I'm going to pour myself a good stiff drink. This is not a good Holiday happy-go-lucky film for just anyone.
On a fan-boy note (I'm sorry......I'm ALWAYS a new-comer to these trendy fads of fan bases, so you'll have to overlook me; or make fun of me) I have discovered that the incidental and theme music of the '70s "Hitchhiker's Guide" BBC radio production is in fact (sit down....) an Eagles song! Yes.....excuse me while I pour myself ANOTHER drink. Called "Journey of the Sorcerer", this early Eagles song served as the opening and closing theme music for "The Guide." Man, I don't care how big they were in the '70s...that's SOOOO uncool. Especially for something as meaningful as that. Man, the Eagles ruin everything.
I mean, that would be the equivalent of the Marshall Tucker band doing "Into The West" from 'Return of the King.'
But........I really like that music. Too bad the only good part is very short and in the middle of a 6.5 minute instrumental.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Why I Hated "National Treasure" -- A Sarcasticesque Essay/Belated Movie Review
What do you get when you throw a coke party in Hollywood? A session of blockbuster ideas......that's what. And, we all know that Jerry Bruckheimer gleefully hosts these parties. He's the master party-man.....like The Hef with a fresh batch of Viagra.
Sadly, Jerry is so hocked up on goofballs that he must die.
Now, not too long ago, someone was snorting coke off a dead hooker in the bathroom and got an idea. As he unrolled the dollar bill he was using as paraphanilia....he noticed those goofy little symbols on the back. He stormed out of the bathroom shouting his idea for a new movie that could star Nick Cage. Everyone grabbed their pens......but Mr. Bruckheimer called dibs AND shotgun first....even before the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix Trilo-suck-gy) could foul it up.
"Let's make a movie about our fore-fathers who hid the world's treasures and gave clues on national symbols."
Oh, and lets rate it PG so kids can see it......and never have to read a history book for the rest of their lives.
Now, right away you would think I would hate it for this reason.....NOT TRUE. I was fascinated. It was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer......I was willing to sit through that. The previews for the movie had nothing but that dickhole saying stuff about creepy tunnels.....I was prepared to make jokes. Lemons in the fridge? It could happen. Sean (Boromir really loved the hobbits) Bean as ANOTHER bad guy? Well, at least he's working. No actual plot or character development.....it had GREAT/NONSTOP action.
My Problem: NO CATCH-PHRASE!
Yeah.....no catch phrase, not even a theme song! ("We're finding National Treaaaasurreee!" as wailed by MeatLoaf)
Yeah, Napolean Dynamtie comes out on DVD tuesday, and I'm STILL quoting it. I sang the songs from Team America on the way home. I wanted to see Shaun Of The Dead just because some chunky British guy said "Yeah, boyeeeee!" I even loved the idea of being one of Ray Charles' 'Raylettes.' ("I get to be a Raylette? Does that mean I have to 'Let Ray'?")
But no.......after the National Credits rolled.....I had no National CatchPhrase. I had no Treasure to take home.
--------------
However, the preview for "Hitchhiker's Guide" was worth the $7.75.
Sadly, Jerry is so hocked up on goofballs that he must die.
Now, not too long ago, someone was snorting coke off a dead hooker in the bathroom and got an idea. As he unrolled the dollar bill he was using as paraphanilia....he noticed those goofy little symbols on the back. He stormed out of the bathroom shouting his idea for a new movie that could star Nick Cage. Everyone grabbed their pens......but Mr. Bruckheimer called dibs AND shotgun first....even before the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix Trilo-suck-gy) could foul it up.
"Let's make a movie about our fore-fathers who hid the world's treasures and gave clues on national symbols."
Oh, and lets rate it PG so kids can see it......and never have to read a history book for the rest of their lives.
Now, right away you would think I would hate it for this reason.....NOT TRUE. I was fascinated. It was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer......I was willing to sit through that. The previews for the movie had nothing but that dickhole saying stuff about creepy tunnels.....I was prepared to make jokes. Lemons in the fridge? It could happen. Sean (Boromir really loved the hobbits) Bean as ANOTHER bad guy? Well, at least he's working. No actual plot or character development.....it had GREAT/NONSTOP action.
My Problem: NO CATCH-PHRASE!
Yeah.....no catch phrase, not even a theme song! ("We're finding National Treaaaasurreee!" as wailed by MeatLoaf)
Yeah, Napolean Dynamtie comes out on DVD tuesday, and I'm STILL quoting it. I sang the songs from Team America on the way home. I wanted to see Shaun Of The Dead just because some chunky British guy said "Yeah, boyeeeee!" I even loved the idea of being one of Ray Charles' 'Raylettes.' ("I get to be a Raylette? Does that mean I have to 'Let Ray'?")
But no.......after the National Credits rolled.....I had no National CatchPhrase. I had no Treasure to take home.
--------------
However, the preview for "Hitchhiker's Guide" was worth the $7.75.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
From A FanBoy Forum:
This is your brain: "Presented in a scope widescreen format, preserving the 2.35:1 aspect ratio of it's original theatrical exhibition."
This is your brain on drugs: "This film has been modified from it's original theatrical version. It has been reformatted to fit your screen"
Any questions???
This is your brain on drugs: "This film has been modified from it's original theatrical version. It has been reformatted to fit your screen"
Any questions???
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Arghhhh....Someone Help, Please!
Crap.....it's another Hell-Day at work.
No, not a Tuesday; I'm at work.....ALONE.
These are the worst days b/c I'm the only one here, I have TONS UPON TONS OF STUFF TO DO.....and people always feel the need to call a TV station about....anything. (schedules....copies....bills....time&temp....programming.....announcements)
I have only a hundred or so more Xmas Greetings to digitze and edit....but it's really hard to make headway when you have to answer the damn phone every few minutes. So, why am I wasting time with a post? B/c it keeps one phone line busy so I only have to worry about one other. Shit I hate this.
No, not a Tuesday; I'm at work.....ALONE.
These are the worst days b/c I'm the only one here, I have TONS UPON TONS OF STUFF TO DO.....and people always feel the need to call a TV station about....anything. (schedules....copies....bills....time&temp....programming.....announcements)
I have only a hundred or so more Xmas Greetings to digitze and edit....but it's really hard to make headway when you have to answer the damn phone every few minutes. So, why am I wasting time with a post? B/c it keeps one phone line busy so I only have to worry about one other. Shit I hate this.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Well, It's About That Time I Suppose:
Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in
We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin
And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing
We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing...
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till
I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will, ohh,
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all. And this can be
the haziest . . . this can be the laziest. . . this can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them *AAALLLLLLLLLL*!
We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin
And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing
We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing...
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till
I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will, ohh,
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all. And this can be
the haziest . . . this can be the laziest. . . this can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them *AAALLLLLLLLLL*!
Thursday, December 9, 2004
Oh, Take It.......We Won't Eat The Whole Thing...
Ok.....sharing time. I will reveal one fear I have.
I will leave a room, and do that thing where you reach your hand and switch off the light after you've already exited. However, I have a dealdy fear that when I do this...the swith will stick straight out. This will subsequently ignite a spark several minutes later and burn down the building.
Therefore, I will often re-enter the room and push the light switch down. It's obsessive-compulsiveish.
I will leave a room, and do that thing where you reach your hand and switch off the light after you've already exited. However, I have a dealdy fear that when I do this...the swith will stick straight out. This will subsequently ignite a spark several minutes later and burn down the building.
Therefore, I will often re-enter the room and push the light switch down. It's obsessive-compulsiveish.
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
When Will The Nightmares Stop?
Well, they seem to keep happening. This time: Algebra Class......first day back........NEW TEACHER.
This teacher is gonna be a BITCH. It's our first day, and we are having a test. Now, I'm not smart with math and I really could use a refresher course......but nooooo. She thinks I'm a dumbass.
Most of the gang is all here.....at least the important ones. Thank goodness Joel is sitting behind me, he can help me out. Well, this insane woman passed out the exams.....face up....ten minutes ago and the test hasn't started. I think I'm the only one who doesn't know what the heck to do. I turn to Joel: "I don't even know where to start on the first question..." "Man, use your Wahl's."
Now, I don't know when the Hair Care Products company started making calculators....but this was a good idea. So, I ask to be excused to my locker (while she was talking to Bob Muphree and Jeff Edwards) and run out there. Oh crap, I forgot which locker was mine. Ooops.....that one was a gumball machine. Got it!
I come back in the room—oh crap she's moved everyone one desk apart. I sit down, no better off now. Bradley's across from me.....he understands my fate. And that this woman is a cold-hearted bitch. Well, the test begins and I've accepted I'm going to make a 2 on it so I just start writing. She then peruses the classroom and as she walks by she makes an under-breath comment about me using an unsharpened pencil, and she shakes her head. Bradley gives her a look: "You worthless...woman" then looks at me in pity. Thanks, Bradley, you get it.
----------------
Later on (I'm not mentioning any names, but ask me and I'll tell you if you are right) a certain girl wants to talk to me. She's 'concerned' that I wrote something on a poster that's not very nice. I don't remember the details, but there was a slogan on the poster, and I finished it out with something to the effect of "faces are for sitting on." Screw her, it was funny.
This teacher is gonna be a BITCH. It's our first day, and we are having a test. Now, I'm not smart with math and I really could use a refresher course......but nooooo. She thinks I'm a dumbass.
Most of the gang is all here.....at least the important ones. Thank goodness Joel is sitting behind me, he can help me out. Well, this insane woman passed out the exams.....face up....ten minutes ago and the test hasn't started. I think I'm the only one who doesn't know what the heck to do. I turn to Joel: "I don't even know where to start on the first question..." "Man, use your Wahl's."
Now, I don't know when the Hair Care Products company started making calculators....but this was a good idea. So, I ask to be excused to my locker (while she was talking to Bob Muphree and Jeff Edwards) and run out there. Oh crap, I forgot which locker was mine. Ooops.....that one was a gumball machine. Got it!
I come back in the room—oh crap she's moved everyone one desk apart. I sit down, no better off now. Bradley's across from me.....he understands my fate. And that this woman is a cold-hearted bitch. Well, the test begins and I've accepted I'm going to make a 2 on it so I just start writing. She then peruses the classroom and as she walks by she makes an under-breath comment about me using an unsharpened pencil, and she shakes her head. Bradley gives her a look: "You worthless...woman" then looks at me in pity. Thanks, Bradley, you get it.
----------------
Later on (I'm not mentioning any names, but ask me and I'll tell you if you are right) a certain girl wants to talk to me. She's 'concerned' that I wrote something on a poster that's not very nice. I don't remember the details, but there was a slogan on the poster, and I finished it out with something to the effect of "faces are for sitting on." Screw her, it was funny.
Monday, December 6, 2004
New Leaves Are Sooooo Heavy......
And soooo hard to turn over.
I keep trying to put things off until a definite point and make excuses....
"I'll start jogging when I move. I'm too embarrassed b/c I know people where I live and when they see me they'll think 'oh, he's trying to jog b/c he thinks he needs to be healthy b/c his grandad is about to die from a heart attack' or 'why is he running he is so skinny' or some excuse like that. I'm putting ideas into others' heads.
BULLSHIT
"I'll start eating better when I move. I'll be too poor to afford real food, so I'll be able eat lots of vegetables and non-fried foods and my mom won't make fun of me for wanting to eat healthy now at home. Remember the no-carb thing? (well, she got used to it....but I got sick a week later and had to have crackers and sodas. looked like a failure) I will be able to stop eating candy."
BULLSHIT
"I'll start waking up early this week. I hate being lazy.....maybe I need to work out to have more energy. I have so much work to do that by the time I get home and relax, I put in a movie or get online and spend too much time and don't get in bed at a decent time. I have the best job: I don't have to be at work until 10am! But.....even that ridiculous time is hard for me to make. at least 3 snoozes on the alarm. This week.....I'm gonna wake up BEFORE 9am so I won't be a retard. But I'm sooo tired and need rest. Oh, world, go away."
BULLSHIT
"I'm going to start a project that's non-work related (ahem, you know what I'm talking about) and actually try to go through with it. I've already proven to be a failure and this time it'll be different. I just need a little more money and time."
BULLSHIT
"I'm going to stop saying dumb things. I feel better when I am quiet and nothing retarded is coming out of my mouth. It'll be almost as if I can't speak at all. If it ain't meaningful, I ain't saying it. I don't even want people to know who I am."
BULLSHIT
"I'm going to start taking my personal appearance into account more betterly. I dress awfully and I maybe get to shave on a fortnight. (I could really use the Fab Five....or at least Carson) I'm going to take $1000 from my bank account, walk up to someone in the men's department at J.C. Penny's, and tell them to make me suave. I'm going to shave and be closely groomed so I don't scare small children (and teenagers, adults, and really old people). I am actually going to buy clothes that are both comfortable, and look really good on me.....whether I think so or the mannequins say so."
BULLSHIT
"I am going to stop having pity parties and things the way I want them.....and all the while getting wasted in my room with cheap vodka and typing things that make me even more depressed and reading other people's online diaries who apparently feel the same way I do—and I've never even met them before. I will stop thinking of myself as a loser and actually DO something."
...........FUCKING BULLSHIT
I keep trying to put things off until a definite point and make excuses....
"I'll start jogging when I move. I'm too embarrassed b/c I know people where I live and when they see me they'll think 'oh, he's trying to jog b/c he thinks he needs to be healthy b/c his grandad is about to die from a heart attack' or 'why is he running he is so skinny' or some excuse like that. I'm putting ideas into others' heads.
BULLSHIT
"I'll start eating better when I move. I'll be too poor to afford real food, so I'll be able eat lots of vegetables and non-fried foods and my mom won't make fun of me for wanting to eat healthy now at home. Remember the no-carb thing? (well, she got used to it....but I got sick a week later and had to have crackers and sodas. looked like a failure) I will be able to stop eating candy."
BULLSHIT
"I'll start waking up early this week. I hate being lazy.....maybe I need to work out to have more energy. I have so much work to do that by the time I get home and relax, I put in a movie or get online and spend too much time and don't get in bed at a decent time. I have the best job: I don't have to be at work until 10am! But.....even that ridiculous time is hard for me to make. at least 3 snoozes on the alarm. This week.....I'm gonna wake up BEFORE 9am so I won't be a retard. But I'm sooo tired and need rest. Oh, world, go away."
BULLSHIT
"I'm going to start a project that's non-work related (ahem, you know what I'm talking about) and actually try to go through with it. I've already proven to be a failure and this time it'll be different. I just need a little more money and time."
BULLSHIT
"I'm going to stop saying dumb things. I feel better when I am quiet and nothing retarded is coming out of my mouth. It'll be almost as if I can't speak at all. If it ain't meaningful, I ain't saying it. I don't even want people to know who I am."
BULLSHIT
"I'm going to start taking my personal appearance into account more betterly. I dress awfully and I maybe get to shave on a fortnight. (I could really use the Fab Five....or at least Carson) I'm going to take $1000 from my bank account, walk up to someone in the men's department at J.C. Penny's, and tell them to make me suave. I'm going to shave and be closely groomed so I don't scare small children (and teenagers, adults, and really old people). I am actually going to buy clothes that are both comfortable, and look really good on me.....whether I think so or the mannequins say so."
BULLSHIT
"I am going to stop having pity parties and things the way I want them.....and all the while getting wasted in my room with cheap vodka and typing things that make me even more depressed and reading other people's online diaries who apparently feel the same way I do—and I've never even met them before. I will stop thinking of myself as a loser and actually DO something."
...........FUCKING BULLSHIT
Saturday, December 4, 2004
Eye H8 U
So most undoubtedly one of the best nights I've had in a long time happened a few months ago......and sadly only once. Myself, Gore, Jennifer and Kevin watched a crappy sci-fi made for video or USA network movie and Gore and me riffed on it sooo bad. The movie: SCORCHER!
So.....it made me want to start a new Saturday night tradition that cost $3.95 for a video and a 6-pack of beer. And it would be fun. Sadly, this never took off. Damn......YOU JUST WAIT TILL I HAVE MY OWN PLACE. The beer will flow like wine and the riffs will fly like Don Rickles with his own talk show.
......Well tonight things have come full circle. I am sitting at home (by myself....) watching a made-for-Sci-Fi Channel (owned by USA Networks) movie named: RAPTOR ISLAND. Yep......crappy as shit. Even the Discovery Channel had better Dinosaur animations. I'm only watching the last hour, but oh man this movie has a new hole.
I caught it just in time for the obligatory pointless action-movie brave-man taking on the bad guy by himself and sacrificing himself to save the main characters. Think about it: you've seen this scene in EVERY stupid action movie. Is it supposed to make us feel good? (However, if you are lucky, one of these deaths will invovle a railing-kill (as made famous by Space Mutiny) in which someone will die while falling over a railing.
You can always count of USA Networks to provide free entertainment. Oh, if you want to host a riffing party, let me know.
So.....it made me want to start a new Saturday night tradition that cost $3.95 for a video and a 6-pack of beer. And it would be fun. Sadly, this never took off. Damn......YOU JUST WAIT TILL I HAVE MY OWN PLACE. The beer will flow like wine and the riffs will fly like Don Rickles with his own talk show.
......Well tonight things have come full circle. I am sitting at home (by myself....) watching a made-for-Sci-Fi Channel (owned by USA Networks) movie named: RAPTOR ISLAND. Yep......crappy as shit. Even the Discovery Channel had better Dinosaur animations. I'm only watching the last hour, but oh man this movie has a new hole.
I caught it just in time for the obligatory pointless action-movie brave-man taking on the bad guy by himself and sacrificing himself to save the main characters. Think about it: you've seen this scene in EVERY stupid action movie. Is it supposed to make us feel good? (However, if you are lucky, one of these deaths will invovle a railing-kill (as made famous by Space Mutiny) in which someone will die while falling over a railing.
You can always count of USA Networks to provide free entertainment. Oh, if you want to host a riffing party, let me know.
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
If Anyone Goes.....
To see "National Treasure" without me......please please say this at the point when the dork says "Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel first?":
"That's what your mom said last night."
Just for me...
Oh, and let me know if the Hitchhiker's Trailer is attached. If not....it'll only be half worth going to see.
"That's what your mom said last night."
Just for me...
Oh, and let me know if the Hitchhiker's Trailer is attached. If not....it'll only be half worth going to see.
Not That He Had Any To Begin With.....
But Snoop has lost all talent.
"Drop it like it's hot"? Gosh, after hearing that song I want to kill myself. (Well.....more than usual) It's like black people all of a sudden took a bit of valium and their world is slowly de-revolving.....then the earth spins in a different direction and things get all trippy.....and retarded.
Like in the Superman movie when Chris Reeve flew backward and reversed time to save Lois Lane.
Come on rappers.....let's try legitimate music for a change. Outkast gave it a really good try. There was that one weekend that Missy Elliot got it right.
__________________________________________
It's embarrassing to go to Sam's Club with my mom. Well, now they really don't look at your card when you enter (you have to have it to check out) so there's no reason to show it. She didn't really know, and last week entered the store with her card flashed directly in front of her, in the greeter's face. NO LIE: "That's fine ma'am, but that's not the right card anyway."
My mom turns it to her, it was her BP Gas Card.
"Drop it like it's hot"? Gosh, after hearing that song I want to kill myself. (Well.....more than usual) It's like black people all of a sudden took a bit of valium and their world is slowly de-revolving.....then the earth spins in a different direction and things get all trippy.....and retarded.
Like in the Superman movie when Chris Reeve flew backward and reversed time to save Lois Lane.
Come on rappers.....let's try legitimate music for a change. Outkast gave it a really good try. There was that one weekend that Missy Elliot got it right.
__________________________________________
It's embarrassing to go to Sam's Club with my mom. Well, now they really don't look at your card when you enter (you have to have it to check out) so there's no reason to show it. She didn't really know, and last week entered the store with her card flashed directly in front of her, in the greeter's face. NO LIE: "That's fine ma'am, but that's not the right card anyway."
My mom turns it to her, it was her BP Gas Card.
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