Not THE Greatest.......

Sure, Conan is great and all......but he has one major flaw that I just simply can't tolerate.

It's not Frankenstein wasting a minute of my time.......it's Frankenstein's monster!




Screw you Conan O'Brien, and all that you stand for.

I Can't Figure Out How To Paste The Actual Link......

So this gives it away......but go here and listen, damn you!

I Voted For Pedro....And My Wildest Dreams Came True!

Wow....after 5 years or so of having a beard, I have finally received the one thing I've been looking for.....and I have George W. Bush to thank.

A beard & moustache trimmer.

Every year, in December and May, you see commercials saying how the perfect gift for dad is a Beard & Moustache trimmer. Every year, I have waited for this gift. NO ONE has ever even bothered to think about getting me one.

On a personal level, I value those 'perfect' gifts more than just saying "hey, get me ..... for xmas". I don't even want to drop hints. I want to recieve that gift from someone who actually knows me and puts thought into it. And I'm the same way when giving (when I actually do give). I try and try to think of what would be perfect for that person. No just something they need.....what means something.

So seeing as how for about 5 years I've had some form of a beard, I've never been given an actual beard and moustache trimmer.

So how does Dubya fit into this?

Well my brother came home for two days last week, and as he was leaving again, my mom caught him leaving with the hair trimmer I had been using. He said my dad called and told him to bring it (my dad didn't know I used it on my beard) so he would have it when they went to Iraq. Consequently, my mom bought me a B&M trimmer so I would have something and wouldn't look too scraggly.

Therefore, b/c W. has that little beef with Saddam Hussein, I get a Beard & Moustache trimmer.

Thank you Dubya.........you still don't have my vote.....but you have my gratitude.

Movie Review — "Napolean Dynamite"

Okay, so I never actually wrote a review for Napolean Dynamite after I saw it. I just contrasted it with the movie "Elephant" b/c I had just let Andrew watch that movie the same day we saw Napolean and they are total opposite ends of the spectrum.

Napolean Dynamite is (honestly) the funniest movie I've seen this year. But not only is it a really funny teen movie, it's a really good feel good movie. When I left the theater, it was the best feeling I've ever had leaving a theater. Honestly. It's just so funny, so moving, and so rockin'.

I found out what makes this movie so good. It's written/directed by and starring Mormons. Well, they aren't neccessarily Mormon, but they did meet/get together at Brigham Young University. That would also explain why the movie is so clean. It's rated PG, and has absolutely nothing offensive in it. I can handle any type of content in any movie mind you, but it was so refreshing to have something family friendly yet not even made for kids.

Napolean is just so angry at the world, his friend Pedro seems to be oblivious, but you can tell he's got alot going on upstairs. Deb is that loser girl you remeber from high school. Kip will most likely be me when I'm 30 years old.....or at least my brother. No, wait, my brother hates women and wouldn't even chat with them online for 3—4 hours at a time. (I myself am scared of them, so stop making gay jokes) Summer and that other jerk are typical 'cool' kids in high school. By now they are already married with two kids and a few mortgages. Whatever other character I'm leaving out, you can still relate to.

I'm skipping actual plot discussion in hopes that you will be curious enough to watch the movie your own darn self, so nevermind that.

Napolean Dynamite is the comedy everyone wants to make. It's the movie I wanted to make. But dammit, I'm a pathetic lazy loser and can't even make the friggin movie I wanted to. Maybe I should become a Mormon. I have the tie, I just need a shirt and a bike.

Ok, I'll admit that my reviews are basically me saying "Hey, I saw this movie and thought you should know." .......but sadly you don't care, at least I don't, so I will at least advise you to watch it..............OR DIE.

or don't......and live.......I don't care.

I Don't Care What You Think.....UB40 Really Sucks

Who likes that late 80s early 90s British reggae crap anyway?

Dang it sucks to be selfish. At any point, whenver something happens to someone else, I always try to figure out how it affects me.

Well, except that whole September 11th thing....I think I was concerned for others on that day. No no, I don't mean the one in '01, I mean 9/11/87. Someone in kindergarten peed on the nap mats and I was wondering how they were gonna sleep.

But seriously, I'm just one selfish motherhummer. I am trying to figure out how best to slowly kill myself. I've heard my mom say that suicide is selfish, so maybe it won't be so bad if I do it slowly so it won't be apparently drastic. But oh well, I'll figure out a way eventually.

Muwahahaha you guys is jerks.




Oh, I really want to see "Shaun Of The Dead" b/c I think the fat guy is just too cute. He says "Yeah, Boyeeee" and has big ears and buck teef like a little mouse. He British too, apparently.

A Very Brady Sequel? How About A Very Baddy Sequel!

Shoooo-weee....it's been a rough one, huh?

I don't know about you, but myself is plumb tuckered out.

Why are we still shaming ourselves by electing BOTH a 'black' and a 'white' homecoming queen? I mean, we could at least remain covertly racist and not just show non-southerners how much different people are hated down here.

So I've come to the conclusion that to be a geek you have to spend alot of money.

For those that love technology, you have to buy the latest things when they come out. And usually, that costs alot of money. You have to pay alot to enjoy hi-def plasma TV. Sigh.

For nurds like me, you spend money on things that satisfy your nurdy cravings. Collector sets, obscure movie posters, DVD TV shows, toys, anything that show you are a nurd.

Well, actually, if you think about it, any nurd of any type spends alot of money on the things we like. People who are into hunting buy lots of guns, 4-wheelers and such. People who like designing buy lots of decorations and such. And so on. So I guess we are not that different after all.

Oh wow, I was going to be on a roll, but it's 1:33 a.m. at the station, and I'm just too tired all of a sudden.

First Time Ever On DVD....

Well, today's the day.

You know what I'm talking about.

First time ever on DVD.





The question is......do I, or don't I?

We all know I will. However, it won't be right away. But we all know that's b/c I won't be going to a store anytime soon.

ATTN: ANDREW

Hey I have that movie "Gummo" if you want to watch it. For whatever reason that would be. If not, maybe JoelG would.


I also just used my blog as a personal message system.

Damn I hate things.

Crispy McChicken w/ Cheese

So yeah, if you were to look at me now, I'd probably tell you I hate you.

But I wouldn't take offence if I were you, b/c I pretty much hate everything. My room is filled with tons of stuff that just remind me of how lonely things are. I don't mean stuff like pants and expensive lip gloss and meaningless crap. I mean mostly DVDs and videos, things movies and TV shows I love so much, and would give anything to share with someone else. Someone else who could watch and appreciate as well. But more importantly, watch with me and understand that I like them.

So I want to start a war. I don't mean a war that will accomplish anything, I just mean something kind of meaningless so that everyone will hate me and not want to talk. (well hey, nothing new)

Let's see.....who can I fight? Hmph, oh well, maybe something will come to me.

But, I did try a new kind of underwear.....maybe that'll help my mood.
__________________________

I don't know who I can blame....I would try to blame my parents, but I think that's the easy way out. I've always been taught to be the exact opposite of adventurous. You know, there's no reason to do anything else other than sit around quietly, have no 'fun' and work 23 hours a day, 6 days a week. And when you do work, work hard and don't be a lazy ass.

Oh, that and don't watch naugthy movies. (p.s. naughty means anything over a PG-13 rating)
___________________________

On the other hand, I'm glad I don't like to have fun. Otherwise, I would be like some frat dude, with a beer in one hand and a condom in the other, getting coked-up piggy back rides from some guy we nicknamed 'Puber.'

I may be running around, getting naked when I had the chance, or watching movies starring The Rock or Vin Disel (only 2 of the greatest actions heroes movie history has ever known). I would be rocking out to Limp Bizkit and Dave Matthews in the same set by the shitty cover band and that shitty bar & grill while I tried to pick up 'some nice ass.'
____________________________

Well, anyway.........Fuck You, I guess.

Why It Pays To Search All Your Channels

So on DirecTV, waaaayyyyyy up there, past the Fox News' and the MSNBC's, you get to all the religious TBN's and your Mormon Channels, and nestled right up there just past those is a little gem I have recently found:

The NASA Channel!!

Yes....the NASA Channel. This thing is great. At any given time you can turn it on and either see live spacewalks, videos of NASA commissions having meetings, weather patterns, all kids of stuff.

Now, granted, the channel is very boring, but it's still too awesome.

So, go to someone's house who has DirecTV, and turn to channel 376....the NASA Channel.




Oh, there's also a RFD (Rural Free Delivery) Channel. Those farmers can go fuck themselves.

One Total Waste Of Human Life Part 1

I apologize to you, but I have a few talking points that come to me, and I don't write them down, nor do I develop them completely. I just want to get them down so I don't forget them. I thought it would be better to make one decent sized blog with all of them rather than one sentence posts like I normally do.
---------------------------------------

1. George W. Bush is trying to steal the election AGAIN.....you know all these hurricanes that have been prominent in the news lately? They are all hitting the Miami/Dade area and Broward Co. areas. ....where did all the 2000 "Election" hoopla happen? I rest my case. The republicans didn't want us to see "The Day After Tomorrow" (NOT b/c it was a shitty movie, but) b/c they designed a plan to control the weather in Florida so W. would 'win' the 'election' again.

2. When I can twist my nose hairs.....and even make a strand from one nostril touch a strand from the other.......I NEED A TRIM.

3. Art Bell (Coast to Coast A.M.) interviewed some people from the TV show "Dead Like Me" tonight. I really want to see this show, but I don't have Showtime movie network. Has anyone else seen this show? If so, leave a comment.

4. Talking to Matt tonight, I told him I was going to Amory by myself to shoot some video. He said "You don't have a wingman?" I really like that. Even though it makes me think of Top Gun, it makes sense. William has Ann with him everywhere he goes. Usually Adam and I will tape an event together. Generally, anyone taping an event for the TV station has at least one other person with him/her. So, I will offically start referring to this as a 'wingman.' Thanks Matt.

5. I heard an ad during C2Ca.m. tonight....it started "I'm a hypocrite....I don't mean a vegetarian who wears leather shoes, I mean I haven't talked to my kids about drugs..." .....Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but a vegetarian can wear whatever the heck he/she wants to. A vegan can't wear/use any animal products. So, not only is the guy a hypocrite.....he's stupid.

6. Sigh, I went to the Coast 2 coast a.m. website, and I accidentally saw a pic of George Noory....dammit. I imagined him much better looking.

7. Why is shopping for underwear uncomfortable? I mean, is it like this for all dudes? Anytime I want to try out a new kind of underwear (which is only every 5 or so years....I get good use out of my undies) I kind of have to look around and decide what I want to try. This means I have to spend time in the underwear section. It's just weird......instead of models, can't they just photograph the underwear on a well endowed mannequin rather than muscle bound hunks? I hate being in that aisle.

8. Do you think Peter Jackson's King Kong remake will be good? I saw the original the other day and I know why it's a classic. It's soooo good, and really scary.

9. (this topic is 10 years too late) Michael Chricton actually co-wrote the screenplay to his own novel 'Jurassic Park.' Why did he make it so different? Did he realize that THE BOOK SUCKED? I'm glad he changed it. I've heard people say the book was terrifying........they are dumb. It sucked. Good movie, though.

10. I'm a poser...so I'm lame.

11. Can someone teach me how to tie a tie?

and my last one....
12. I'm trying to smoke so I can have a better (non-faggity) voice. I hope it doesn't take long, b/c I hate it. But, it makes me look cool. The only problem is that I haven't figured out that whole packing thing. I don't exactly know why you do it, and when I do it pushes the paper past the butt. God I fuck up everything!



signed....
Total Waste of a Human Life

Status Quo

Whoever rented "Winged Migration" from Netflix last was a smoker. (sniffs envelope)

Sleep Well Chester....

So, I got a W.C. Fields DVD of 6 short films.

These were made in the '30s. Black and white....one is even silent.

The DVD is a Criterion Collection DVD. It has a feature on the menu:

Color Bars.




.............Color bars.



For 6 black and white short films.

I could have at least used a biography or 'making of' or some crap like that.

Just........Stop

Someone in my family will ask me something, and when I give them my one to two word answer I usually have to repeat myself after a "What?"

Look, if you don't like the way I talk just don't ask me anything....our lives will go on much more smoothly.

I Have Like, Numchuck Skills

Here's something to try:

If you want to imagine what it's like to be bi-polar, there are two movies to watch....

The first is "Elephant," the film by Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting) that chronicles how shitty high school is. This film takes place one morning at a high school and shows kids from every group...the artsy folk, the cool kids, the teenage lovers, the not-so-pretty on the outside girl, the beautiful bulimic Gap girls, one black kid, and the loners who end up killing all of those people.

The film is based (not really on Columbine, but) on events and happenings related to some of the recent and most tragic school shootings. The film is relatively short (only like 1 hr. and 10 minutes) but repeats its scenes several times, only from the perspective of each kid every time.

Even though it's good......at the end when the credits roll you feel absolutely drained and shitty. I should not have bought the movie..b/c I don't know when I'll watch it again. It makes you feel the worst you've ever felt.



ON THE OTHER HAND......

The second film is "Napolean Dynamite," the film that chronicles how shitty high school is.

Except.....this is the funniest movie I've seen in a while. In the theater, at least.

Napolean Dynamite is just angry and seemingly emotionless, contrasted to his friend Pedro, who is just ......well, Pedro. If you are wondering why you've never heard of this film, it's because people are lame and it has only been shown in a few places. How it came to Oxford I'll never understand.

I know my two sentences can never explain how good it was, but it's the best feeling I've ever had leaving a theater. I assume the filmmakers are newcomers, and I'm looking forward to their body of work b/c Napolean is a masterpiece.




I tell you what, if you want to talk about either, just call me.

I Still Love You Josephine...

So I'm starting to feel as though I've been had. Via eBay, that is. Oh I hope not, b/c I'm overdrawn yet again and I don't need some jerk taking my money and not sending me my item. Then again, I've only sent him 1 email, and it's only been 2 weeks, and I did pay immediately with PayPal. Maybe I'm just to anxious to actually hear some type of acknowlegement from an unknown company.

So last week was basically Hell Week for me. (A.K.A. 2nd week of football)

So yeah, 2 weeks in, we are still getting sponsors, and I spent most of my waking hours loading footage, editing, shooting, and being responsible for everything else. With all this work, I can't be a mom right now. I wish now that in the heat of the moment I would have said "No."

Of course, a good bit of it was just extra pressure I put on myself...I mean, sure the sponsors' ads did need to be in the games, but then again they should have been done 3 weeks ago! If I did take my sweet wonderful time, it would have been okay b/c I was still shooting ads Friday morning. However, I'm just trying to make things run smoothly for me, and the business I work for.

It's a little thing some people call a 'work ethic.'

Sure, mine's not the best, but I do prefer efficiency to being crappily rushed.

And to make it worse....lady I will MOW YOUR DAMN YARD WHEN I AM GOOD AND READY....so FRIGGIN LEAVE ME ALONE. (granted....she did give me an extra 10 bucks for taking 2 weeks to get to her yard—my plan's working: make everyone think you are working really really hard, when you are only working really hard...and they will do things for you.)

So for those of you that are still in school...I hope it's going good. For those of you who aren't in school....doesn't summer feel weird b/c it doesn't end in august? And isn't it weird to not have to study.......ever?

Stop What You Are Doing....

Strip down, and check yourself for ticks!