Taking Matters Into My Own Hands

So, I think I'm gonna do it. I mean, no one else seems to have taken or even wants to take the initiative to do what needs to be done. After all, it's really not that big of a deal so I don't know why I can't just do it myself. I mean, it's not that I'm afraid. It's something that I really want.

I'll do it soon. Probably even this weekend.

You see, it's just I get sick and tired of bringing a hamburger and fries back to the TV station, and then I look in the fridge....and there's no ketchup.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go buy a bottle of ketchup to put in the fridge at the station, and just be done with it. No more scrounging for little packets. Annnnd....Democratic candidates and political affiliations be damned: I'm buying HEINZ Ketchup: the Only good ketchup out there.

So, I hope you brothas got my back.
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I tried to get the 'Family Guy Movie' DVD at WalMart yesterday....but they were SOLD OUT! Nary a one to be found. Oxford needs more entertainment/video selling stores.

But I did get a Wallace&Gromit DVD.

Smear The Queer

I thought I could get by at least one Friday without seeing an offensive bumper sticker/car decoration. No. Last Friday nearabouts Pontotoc I saw...printed across a big Chevy trucks' windshield...."Speak English or DIE!"


.........yuh-huh.
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According to MySpace, I have a new hero now. His name is Michel Gondry. He's that French guy, who, if you watched cool videos on MTV.....he made that Bjork 'bear/nightmare' video, Daft Punk's "Around The World" video, Chemical Brothers' "Let Forever Be" video, and, most famously, the White Stripes' "Fell In Love With A Girl" and "Hardest Button To Button" videos. ORRRR....if you've never seen those, perhaps you've heard of a movie called "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind." Yeahhhh....the director of that movie has made some of the most amazing videos ever seen by the world.

And obviously, you have to see them to believe them. I honestly cannont take my eyes off the video while it's playing. The insane amount of camera tricks he uses is astounding. Actually, most recently I've been doing kind of the same thing, and then this weekend while wathing the "The Work Of Michel Gondry" DVD, I realized that we have connected before and subconciously I've been trying to imitate his work—I just didn't know it was his work. [it's all technical mumbo-jumbo....you'll have to email me for me to explain. Or, just watch some of my commercials....I use that 'image pan/zoom' technique.]

Earlier tonight I started the "The Work Of Spike Jonze" DVD, and while Spike is good......he is a total amateur compared to Michel.



In fact, Fuck You Spike Jonze.
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**Surprise Movie Discussion!!!**
Tonight's Film: "Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride"

If I were to say that 'The Corpse Bride' was anything less than magical, I would be speaking out of my ass. In general, animated musicals always have that ability to fascinate even the oldest children. Even 24-year old children. But, when Tim Burton does an animated musical, he not only fascinates.....he tends to use Danny Elfman and lots of skeletons.

I'm angry b/c when I was young my mom didn't really like Tim Burton, so she didn't really want me watching his movies. Well, actually the only one she never let me watch was "Nightmare Before Christmas." I saw the other movies on TV.

Now, I can watch what I damn well please.....and Tim decides to do another stop-motion fantasy at the right time. I will admit, it's not particularly for children.....unless they're cool with dead people......but it's a fun film.

The only problem: it was really short. Yeah, it seemed to just be picking up pace and then just ended. I thought there was room for an expanded plot about the corpse bride and her killer....and that somehow seeing him at the wedding would bring back memories how he killed her, and then she would realize that she shouldn't marry Johnny Depp, and then more stuff would happen, and then it would be really happy.


****SPOILERS*****
Nah....it's basically Johnny Depp is betrothed to someone he doesn't know....they meet, he likes her but fucks up wedding vows at rehearsal....goes into forest to pout......recites vows....ring falls on corpse finger.....poof they're married, he's underground.....they go up, they go back down, then back up to make it official......and at the last moment the corpse bride sees real bride and says 'nah, you have him' and flutters away as butterflies.****END SPOILERS******

As I said.......every scene is just so enjoyable that you forget to notice the time and detail it took to make this world. Even with fun visuals and eye-popping songs, there just wasn't enough. I'm going to buy the DVD with the hope that they filmed about 25 more minutes but just cut it out.

Even Though I Hate Posting Lyrics....

(with the exception of "So Long & Thanks For All The Fish")

On my way home tonight I heard Supertramp on the radio. Yes...Supertramp....on a Mississippi radio station. Anyway...it was the song from "Magnolia", 'Goodbye Stranger.' And yes.....I was singing the high parts.


Other than that......I now have a MySpace page; whoopty shit. Please by my friend, though. I'll sing you Supertramp songs. Well, one at least.

Goodbye stranger, it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true
Goodbye Mary, Goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Ok, that should do it for song lyrics for the next year.
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I'm glad they found out what was 'down the hatch' on 'Lost,' and was again dumb-founded by what they, ummmm, found. I watched it with AdamGore at the TV station, and he had never seen the show so I'm curious what he thought, seeing as how he had no clue what the fuck was happening, or at least couldn't be involved in the characters and didn't know their stories.
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I feel so embarassed when I make movie references to my mom without thinking about how she (1) has no sense of humor, and (2) doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Tonight when I came home I took a swig of grape juice, and did it wrong so I kind of choked on it. Walking back to my room she asked if I was taking a cold, and I told her "No, I've got a drinking problem (a la 'Airplane!')." She just said, oh. So I had to explain.

'Twas The Jedi Before Christmas....

I don't know who's bright idea it was.....but someone bought Grapefruit Air Freshener for the bathroom at work. And it's real Grapefruit...not grapefruit scent. My head is in citrusy overload........and frankly would rather endure the alternative. But, honestly, no one at work is the type to leave a, ummm, paper trail. So thankfully it's not a Grapefruit/Ass combo.

But still.......Grapefruit.

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The best times for me to come up with crazy shit is right when I wake up..and today I thought about how this Christmas, when churches are doing their Xmas Plays, I want to do something cool: The back doors of the church open....light spilling in from behind. A hooded figure (I came up with this after a shower with my towel) walks in, and Roman soldiers approach him. With a wave of the hand, the soldiers are choked by an unseen 'force.' The hooded figure approaches the baby Jesus, who is held captive by Jabba The Hut. Revealing himself to be a Jedi Knight, Jabba laughs and with a flash of a lightsaber he and his henchcreatures are killed. The Jedi escapes with the baby and frees young Mary and Joseph--who are held captive in carbonite.

Then there is a copper bikini thrown in somewhere.

Battle Of The Network Stars

I never thought I would return to Netsuck Tv, but this week may change that....

Tonight I laughed my butt off during 'Arrested Development', and Tuesday is the the premiere of 'My Name Is Earl', and Wednesday is the fated 'Lost' premiere.

And I am having to watch all of these at the TV station. Boy, what's it look like for the next 8 months of my life?

Burger King + David Bowie + Cigarettes

This is pretty bad: I just got home, and I tried to go to sleep......but I'm not sleepy. I'm doggone tired, but not sleepy. It's 3:45a.m.
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I'll leave you with this:

So long and thanks for all the fish
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear?

You may not share our intellect
Which might explain your disrespect
For all the natural wonders that
grow around you

So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish

The world's about to be destroyed
There's no point getting all annoyed
Lie back and let the planet dissolve around you.

Despite those nets of tuna fleets
We thought that most of you were sweet
Especially tiny tots and your
pregnant women

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish

(yeah)

If I had just one last wish
I would like a tasty fish
If we could just change one thing
We would all have learnt to sing

Come one and all
Man and mammal
Side by side in life's great gene pool

So long so long, so long so long, so long so long, so long so long
So long so long, so long so long, so long so long, so long so long
So long so long and thanks for all the fish!!!!

Cry_Wolf

Have you ever told someone a "secret" just to see if they would tell other people? I've always had a secret urge to start a rumor just to see if it got back around. Then again, I don't hear gossip anyway.....but you know.

So ten minutes into David Spade's new show, I'm liking it. Well, it's ok. It seems almost like he's just now getting to around to cash in on his "Hollywood Minute"..........ten years later. I'm not paricularly a fan, but I love how he 'rips Tinseltown a new one.'

Cliche Cliche Cliche.....

Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche, cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche, Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche; cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche.....cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche.

Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche, cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche, cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche.........Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche! Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche. Cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche.

Enter Now For A Chance To Win!!

"Big Mutha Truckers 2"......only $19.95!

Kurt Vonnegut has a new book out!!! He's on The Daily Show!!! JoelG still has my 'Slaughterhouse Five'!!! He's a bastard!!! I Love Kurt Vonnegut!!

I bought "Lost" on DVD....and I am absolutely a fan. I had the luxury of watching the entire 1st season over 2 days this weekend; but the new season starts next Wednesday....so this means that for the next 24 weeks I have to find a TV where I can pick up ABC and be glued for one hour a week. It's sad that when each episode would end, I would get pissed off, I would actually forget that in 35 seconds a new episode would start. How am I going to handle the next 8 months?

I never have, and never really will respect Adam Corrolla. He has a new show, and I can't take my eyes off it, but it's just b/c it seems like he's bombing. He hasn't really mastered the art of entertaining.

You Don't Wear Sexy Underwear Unless You Intend Someone To See Them

"The 40-Year Old Virgin" + "The Brothers Grimm"

"Virgin" AKA "Judd Apatow Gets To Make A Movie":

I wanted to see this as soon as I heard Judd "Co-Creator of 'Freaks&Geeks'" Apatow was writing/directing this movie. It was supposed to be about a nice guy--who has a collection of toys and lives a mediocre, non-exciting life--who just simply never really got to have sex. It's something that just never happened for him, but it's not really something that he thinks about. He just lives his life by himself, and works at an electronics store, and wathces 'Survivor' with his elderly neighbors. And, he has a framed poster of "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie" on his wall.

I just knew I had to see it.

The film was great: Every bit of casting was perfect....especially Seth Rogen. I've always liked him. Now, I've stated before that I really hate the "American Pie"/"Let's Get Laid" teenager movies that are only about sex and cheap humor and picture good-looking teens trying to have sex way before they are old enough. But, the subject of an average-looking guy in his 40s having his co-workers try to get him laid is different. (Somehow, it's different. There's still cheap humor jokes, though.) The movie covers a wide range, though....it goes from the "I've done that before!" opening scene, to the wild and wacky song and dance number at the end---that was halfway choreographed, but looked great b/c Seth Rogen didn't have a shirt on, and Paul Rudd is a horrible dancer.

"Grimm" AKA "Terry Gilliam Is Out There, Man":

The second of the double feature was "The Brothers Grim." I would say 'We all know the fairy tales,' but I should probably say 'I hope you guys know the fairy tales.' I know bits and pieces, but I never actually read the for-real Grimm fairy tales. Only the ones in which Bert and Ernie were the main characters. However, this movie is NOT just all the tales rolled together somehow. It's actually about how the Grimm brothers use folklore to create fake monsters to scare the townspeople, and then get hired to sort of 'exorcise' the town and get paid lots of money. Then.....turns out there is a real demon out there and they must use their resources to stop it. Sounds simple and Hollywood, huh? HERE's the kicker: It actually takes place in French-occupied Germany, and the French general is pissed off that the Germans are pissed off that they are being occupied, and he wants the Brothers Grimm to find out who is 'supposedly' perpetrating the 'fake' haunting, so that the townspeople will like him. See.....right here it's a different motive for saving the town..not a 'let's save the day' routine but a 'let's save the day or we lose our heads' routine. There's a bit of history in there somewhere.

The effects are more pretty than realistic, but the style is fast paced and looks very off-kilter like the production was rushed and they didn't even have time to set up the shot correctly. However, that's Terry Gilliam's style. Terry "The American Python [The animator]" Gilliam is a little out there. He's like Tim Burton, only menacing instead of magical. Much like "War Of The Worlds," I believe this movie deserves a "Very Strong PG-13" title, not just plain jane PG-13. It's a little scary, and graphic in parts......and actually I don't know how they even got away with some of the stuff here in 2005 (the age of PETA). The name "Grimm" immediately makes you think its fairy tale stuff for the family, but it should be marketed as scary stuff for the older crowd.

Nonetheless I thouroughly enjoyed both movies......you should too.

One Of Those Times I Want To Die Or Want Others To Die...

Let me state that I was conciously avoiding the "H" word b/c I knew every other blog in the entire world has said something about Hurricane Katrina, and I thought it was bullshit. Same thing with the last hurricane: You people live there, you knew what hurricanes do, just leave, and anyone north of Jackson is just gonna get lots of rain and wind. So, no need for us in Calhoun to get all panicky. I was actually in Booneville Monday until 4, drove back to Bruce, then actually stayed at Andrew's house for about an hour to listen to some of his new stuff, knowing that I had no electricity at home. But that was fine, b/c I knew I could go home and read by candlelight...and assuming no trees would fall into my room, when I woke up Tuesday everything would be fine and it would be life as usual.

BUT....I did not even watch the news until Wednesday night.

I heard stories all day about flooding in New Orleans (caused by the levees failing, NOT the storm per se.) and realized that now one thing has happened that I had always heard about, and it's here. I knew that blah blah blah Biloxi and Gulfport would be in bad shape....yeah you build your city on the coast and that tends to happen. I mean, through thousands of years of civilization, people have adapted to their surroundings...and this is just another thing: Live on coast--big storm--you rebuild--live for another year.

BUT....New Orleans. A city that's below sea level. (Not sure what that means, but everyone says it) Now, I'm only seeing the news on Wed. and Thurs. night, which concerns the evacuation/shitty shape of The Big Easy......and I want to shoot myself, or go down there and start taking people out.

The people that couldn't get out of the city are the ones that had no means to get out. These were the poor, people in the ghetto, people in downtown, people who needed the most help to begin with. Now, the place is absolute chaos b/c no one is helping them. I know 'help is on the way,' but if we've got a fucking FEMA and LEMA and MEMA and Department of Homeland Security, and all we've got is a fucking color-coded chart, we are fucked. We are letting those people die and get sick for whatever reasons......

Now, if I can step across the line....they are fucking themselves. If certain people are so inhumane and worthless that they would actually SHOOT at rescue workers.....I say let 'em crash. Just let those fuckers rot to death if they are not going to be civil. Fuck patience......I know they are without food and water and clean places to take a shit, but those are the times when you NEED organization....whether you have to do it yourselves. But, if you loot a gun store and try to use your newly found power to take over the city....fuck you. Your grandmothers and your babies are dying b/c you won't let people do what little they can to help you.

Now........(as part of the American mind-set) someone is to blame. From what I understand (don't laugh, seriously), New Orleans had at one point requested money from Congress b/c their current levee system could only withstand a Category 3 storm, and needed to renovate the system. However, they were rejected ALOT of money b/c.....anyone? anyone?......President Bush needed that money in.....anyone? anyone?....IRAQ. Now, do you get the picture? But, as much as we want to blame President Creamface, New Orleans itself knew its own dangers. Maybe they tried, who knows?

I won't get to watch the news until late tonight or early Saturday, so hopefully by then some kind of rescue will be going on in New Orleans. I think the National Guard is on it's way.....just so they can get water and food down there to stabilize the sane people until they can be bussed out, and shoot the motherfuckers that make living in the world so unpleasant.

Either way, I STILL don't have internet at my house...and I'm blaming George W. Bush.

TDS Is A Big Fat Weiner

So here's the deal.......lately I have been getting spam comments. Well, now when I log into Blogger Dashboard, I conveniently have to option to 'Use Word Recognition' everytime one of you guys post a comment. So, I won't do it yet b/c then I just know you'll be too lazy to even post a damn comment.

So deal with it, jerks.