Everything Is Illuminated.....Mostly

I just saw "Everything Is Illuminated," and.........WOW.

That movie goes from completely off the wall and insanely funny in the first hour to the most jaw-dropping eye-swelling hearth-wrenching movie ever.

I was crying and shaking and stuff. I was kind of embarrassed b/c Adam Hamilton was watching with me, and as the credits rolled I tried to talk but my voice was trembling I was so sad. But, in a sort of uplifting kind of way.

Screw "Schindler's List".........why this movie isn't so well-known blows my mind.

BEST Practical Joke/April Fool's Day EVER!!!!!

Came to me in the early morning hours:


Alright, dress up as bad-ass X-Man 'Wolverine'.........soak several big bandages in fake blood and wrap them around your arms, chest, or legs.

Walk into a hospital emergency room, say "I need a little help here, bub," then start to peel back the bandages.

When you reveal there are no more cuts and have completely healed yourself, shrug your shoulders, say "Never mind, pal," and walk out ...with a hint of embarrassment.

Witnesses....Or Just Van Drivers?

Did anyone—driving a van—just knock on my door? I didn't answer b/c 2 weeks ago I was hounded by Jehovah's witnesses......and I'm scared they're back for more.

So let's get this straight right now:

If I know you, and you come to my house.......BE SURE to use the BACK door. That way, I'll know I know you. Now, whether you knock or not is up to you. If you at least do the 'knock then enter' that's fine....in case I'm on the toilet and forgot to lock the back door (I don't close my bathroom door, btw). But usually the rule is if the back door is unlocked....it's safe to come in. If I'm doing something I don't want you to see....I'll lock it.

Bottom line......use the back door to my house so I won't think you are Jehovah's Witnesses.

Or, if you are DHL......say "DHL!" If you are another delivery service.....please use the appropriate moniker. Thank you.

Geez.......I Hate Non-Hollywood

Screw You for not going totally nationwide with the Prairie Home Companion Movie.......I can't see it in Oxford OR Tupelo. Fuck.

Get Away From Me

So just a few minutes ago I went out to smoke one more cigarette before retiring for the night....and just sitting on my back step...out of nowhere a black dog comes running up barking at me. It got within 15 feet and was barking, and I was like "bitch, this is MY territory.....don't start that shit."

I think I recognize this dog as the bitch in the dog orgy that happened outside my bedroom window not long after moving in (a couple of you know the story). Only, it looked like now it had a collar and it was dragging a chain. So apparently it broke free or was just let go, but with a collar so the dog catcher guy wouldn't shoot it dead. I wish he would. I'm still shaking it scared the crap out of me.