New Leaves Are Sooooo Heavy......

And soooo hard to turn over.

I keep trying to put things off until a definite point and make excuses....

"I'll start jogging when I move. I'm too embarrassed b/c I know people where I live and when they see me they'll think 'oh, he's trying to jog b/c he thinks he needs to be healthy b/c his grandad is about to die from a heart attack' or 'why is he running he is so skinny' or some excuse like that. I'm putting ideas into others' heads.

BULLSHIT

"I'll start eating better when I move. I'll be too poor to afford real food, so I'll be able eat lots of vegetables and non-fried foods and my mom won't make fun of me for wanting to eat healthy now at home. Remember the no-carb thing? (well, she got used to it....but I got sick a week later and had to have crackers and sodas. looked like a failure) I will be able to stop eating candy."

BULLSHIT

"I'll start waking up early this week. I hate being lazy.....maybe I need to work out to have more energy. I have so much work to do that by the time I get home and relax, I put in a movie or get online and spend too much time and don't get in bed at a decent time. I have the best job: I don't have to be at work until 10am! But.....even that ridiculous time is hard for me to make. at least 3 snoozes on the alarm. This week.....I'm gonna wake up BEFORE 9am so I won't be a retard. But I'm sooo tired and need rest. Oh, world, go away."

BULLSHIT

"I'm going to start a project that's non-work related (ahem, you know what I'm talking about) and actually try to go through with it. I've already proven to be a failure and this time it'll be different. I just need a little more money and time."

BULLSHIT

"I'm going to stop saying dumb things. I feel better when I am quiet and nothing retarded is coming out of my mouth. It'll be almost as if I can't speak at all. If it ain't meaningful, I ain't saying it. I don't even want people to know who I am."

BULLSHIT

"I'm going to start taking my personal appearance into account more betterly. I dress awfully and I maybe get to shave on a fortnight. (I could really use the Fab Five....or at least Carson) I'm going to take $1000 from my bank account, walk up to someone in the men's department at J.C. Penny's, and tell them to make me suave. I'm going to shave and be closely groomed so I don't scare small children (and teenagers, adults, and really old people). I am actually going to buy clothes that are both comfortable, and look really good on me.....whether I think so or the mannequins say so."

BULLSHIT

"I am going to stop having pity parties and things the way I want them.....and all the while getting wasted in my room with cheap vodka and typing things that make me even more depressed and reading other people's online diaries who apparently feel the same way I do—and I've never even met them before. I will stop thinking of myself as a loser and actually DO something."


...........FUCKING BULLSHIT