What do you get when you throw a coke party in Hollywood? A session of blockbuster ideas......that's what. And, we all know that Jerry Bruckheimer gleefully hosts these parties. He's the master party-man.....like The Hef with a fresh batch of Viagra.
Sadly, Jerry is so hocked up on goofballs that he must die.
Now, not too long ago, someone was snorting coke off a dead hooker in the bathroom and got an idea. As he unrolled the dollar bill he was using as paraphanilia....he noticed those goofy little symbols on the back. He stormed out of the bathroom shouting his idea for a new movie that could star Nick Cage. Everyone grabbed their pens......but Mr. Bruckheimer called dibs AND shotgun first....even before the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix Trilo-suck-gy) could foul it up.
"Let's make a movie about our fore-fathers who hid the world's treasures and gave clues on national symbols."
Oh, and lets rate it PG so kids can see it......and never have to read a history book for the rest of their lives.
Now, right away you would think I would hate it for this reason.....NOT TRUE. I was fascinated. It was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer......I was willing to sit through that. The previews for the movie had nothing but that dickhole saying stuff about creepy tunnels.....I was prepared to make jokes. Lemons in the fridge? It could happen. Sean (Boromir really loved the hobbits) Bean as ANOTHER bad guy? Well, at least he's working. No actual plot or character development.....it had GREAT/NONSTOP action.
My Problem: NO CATCH-PHRASE!
Yeah.....no catch phrase, not even a theme song! ("We're finding National Treaaaasurreee!" as wailed by MeatLoaf)
Yeah, Napolean Dynamtie comes out on DVD tuesday, and I'm STILL quoting it. I sang the songs from Team America on the way home. I wanted to see Shaun Of The Dead just because some chunky British guy said "Yeah, boyeeeee!" I even loved the idea of being one of Ray Charles' 'Raylettes.' ("I get to be a Raylette? Does that mean I have to 'Let Ray'?")
But no.......after the National Credits rolled.....I had no National CatchPhrase. I had no Treasure to take home.
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However, the preview for "Hitchhiker's Guide" was worth the $7.75.
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