ANNNNDDDDDD...........................

"Sideways" had the teaser for "Hitchhiker's Guide" ALSO! Man, I'm getting flippin excited and a bit impatient.

However, once they begin releasing trailers with footage in them, I will be faced with the decision of 'blindfold/earmuffs' during the trailer. Sadly I did this for the second Matrix movie, and would have been better off watching the trailer ONLY.

So anyway, I think I want to be totally surprised. I mean, I will admit that I check comingsoo.net and the movie's website every friggin day, but thankfully they ain't telling nothing.

And yes, I do realize that I've listened to the radio version and watched the TV series and will be finished with the books by the time it comes out, but I just don't want to SEE anything, or how they are going to do things differently.

Ok, sorry I just blew everysingle one of your minds b/c you have no fucking clue what I'm talking about.......so fuck off.

Making Momma So Proud

Well, tonight was wonderful: Once again I have proven that I am a big fat WankerHole. I'm such a retard, gosh.

So I got to treat (by treat I mean make them pay for) some people to a nice movie, drink beer and make people laugh. Still, I feel ashamed.

Myself, Bradley, Joel And Carli went to see "Sideways" tonight in Tupelo. The movie turned out to be so much more than I expected.....it was brilliant. Hilarious. Brilliantly Hilarious. And I couldn't help but feel the movie was about me.

Well.....without giving too much away the main point I walked away with was the guy felt he was a loser and had nothing to offer anyone......no one would ever hear what he had to say. Oh, that and he really knew everything there was to know about wine (that part wasn't about me).

I just feel like a douche b/c tonight my main goal was to make people laugh. I was trying too hard. I was trying to stick to my policy of 'the more people there are, the less I say'. But it didn't happen. I failed.

The thing is that my tastes are different than pretty much everyone else. (On a side note girls just don't get things—as proven by that dumbass girl and her bastard boyfriend sitting behind us; they didn't deserve to be in the presence of that movie. This is why there are no girls (or any kind of friend) present in my life: you show me a girl in Calhoun County interested in things not shitty and I will give you a million dollars.)

As discussed tonight, it is kind of sad when you hit that point in your life when you realize you and the people you were around in high school traveled different paths and really don't know what kind of things each other are up to/into these days. Music, movies, just everything important is all so different now.

So I guess usually at this point in a generation everyone starts to pair up and only be interested in what the significant other is interested in. It's rare that you experience new things with other people.

In this case I would like to add that I hope I'm responsible for 3 people seeing a great movie they most likely would have never seen—whether they liked it or not.
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I would like to randomly throw in at this point that I'm sooooo happy that "Empire Strikes Back" pretty much was never touched at all—nothing major—and it remained intact and with integrity throughout the entire special edition phase..........sorry, it was just that 'Spaced' ended an episode with the ending to "ESB" and I remembered how great of an ending it was.
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So yeah, I apologize for trying to hard, and for being a massive wanker. Oh, and for liking things that are cool.

I Just Like Saying 'Persqueeter'

One more thing......I fell asleep earlier whilst trying to get warm. I had my bedsheet pulled over my head like a rudimentary burqa. Well, it was in this position for an hour or two, and I just looked at myself in the mirror and the hair right on the top of my forehead is sticking straight up. It looks neat.

The First Lady's Persqueeter

Oh, the lengths I go to in order to post. Is anyone else having trouble logging onto Blogger Dashboard? Or is my computer even more retarded?
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Hmmmm.......so if you plan to rent or watch "Say Anything" just for the 'holding boombox over head' scene, ummmmm.....it's a ripoff.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great movie—especially since it's Cameron Crowe's FIRST movie!—but the boombox scene lasts like 20 seconds and is uhhh filmed in late afternoon and underexposed so it looks like nighttime. Sheez....it just doesn't seem worthy to be put on the cover as something neccessary to the story. But still, I suppose it's a classic movie moment.

This just goes to show you that you have to actually watch movies before you talk about them or think you know what happens. You see, at some point I read something.....or got the impression that what happens is John Cusack vows to hold the boombox over his head until the girl falls for him. Well, honestly I'm glad that's NOT what happens. Not in any way. Actually, that would have made the movie not good.

Oh well, what do I know.
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I also got the original 1978 U.S. Theatrical Release of "Dawn Of The Dead." Just curious. I cringed, I gagged, I laughed, I cheered, I never wanted to run around a shopping mall smacking zombies so badly.
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I wish I could go to the doctors and get diagnosed with narcolepsy.
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Yummmmmmm...........velour.
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Once again I am lame and a loser. I have fallen deeply for the show "Spaced" and have decided that I have more fun paying homage to movies and shows that pay homage to movies and shows. You know, like make my version of someone's version of a classic scene from a movie. Well, honestly this is just b/c I'm lazy and can't come up with my own ideas.

Edge Of Tomorrow.........

Ok, so after talking with Adam H., I really want to dload the theme song for Saved By The Bell: The College Years.

This morning, in interest to find out more about the theme, I did a google search, and on page one I was surprised to see this link:

groups.msn.com/gaymasterbationtips

Oh, and be careful if you click on it, b/c it asked if I wanted to meet gay friends in Calhoun City. IT KNOWS WHERE I LIVE! DAMN YOU BILL GATES!

Ebert & Roper At The Movies....

Oh yeah, I guess I should do a bit of bragging.

You see, since I started my blog, I have tried to review (half-assedly) all movies I've seen in the theater. Or, at least make a really obnoxious point that I've seen a movie and you probably have not.

Well, several have slipped by without me even mentioning them, so I thought I would. What the heck, bragging is good, right? Besides, they were all good. I usually feel more comfortable telling you when movies are bad. But, not in this case.

• "Finding Neverland" .....Kate Winslet has never been so hot. Neither has Johnny Depp.

• "Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" .....Bill Murray. Sigh......I like you. Team up with Wes Anderson....I love you.

• "House of Flying Daggers" .......Mega-cool Kung-Fu love story. However, we STILL do not get to see that chick's boobs. She's had love scenes in what, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,' 'Hero,' and probably lots more. All for what? Just a tease.

• "Meet The Fockers" ........It was a sequel. Oh, it had Ben Stiller in it too...and talking about a dog's 'pink part'—well worth the $7.75.
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That's it; I don't think I've seen anything else. In the theater, anyway. So how do you like them apples?

Just A Bunch Of Dongs And Wangs........

There's no need to stay for the credits of "House Of Flying Daggers" b/c all you see is a bunch of wangs and dongs. Teehee......dang I'm a riot!

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Quite possibly one of the coolest things I've seen in a while:

Bill "The Cos'" Cosby and the guy from TCM who introduces the movies talking about Charlie Chaplin before introducing "Monsieur Verdoux." I don't know why, but it makes me love Bill even more just knowing that he is a Chaplin Fan.

UPDATE

Well, in the course of organizing, I have finally whittled down my stack of recently come-into-possession-of DVDs and here's where I stand:

Separating factory DVDs and burned ones, I gots a shitload. Both, actually.

And yes, sadly I have more movies than books. My entire headboard (separated in the middle by a foot-or-so long sideways speaker) is now lined with DVDs. Oh wait, I forgot—the DVDs that are movies are on my bed thingy. The TV-related DVDs line another piece of furniture. I had to move all of my MST3K videos and DVDs behind them temporarily until I can find a place. Movies took over their space. My books still line the bottom part of my headboard, in three sections. Actually, I only use two of those. The middle is for 'already red', the right section is for 'to reed' and the far left has a stack of Garfield books (any takers?) and VHS movies recorded off TV or copied from rentals (again, any takers?).

Pending the destruction or taking of old movie prop stuff, I should have a large space open in my closet soon.

Only a few corners have 'stuff to sort out'—most of which are camcorder tapes I have to decide where to shelve and DVDs I have to print covers for. I'm generally happy with the feeling so far.....my mom bought me a file-folder box thingy for all my receipts and bills and stuff, so now I don't have to have separate areas for college stuff and insurance stuff—it's all there so I can keep it neat.

My computer tower is now actually in that side drawer thing on my computer desk (where's it's supposed to go); this is because I decided to box up my Sega that was using that space. Now my comp is buddies with my PS2. And they have a room.

I have six garbage bags full of stuff to toss. Actually, two of those are those extra long bags from McRae's that you get when you buy a dress or a suit. (I'm not telling which I bought) So, that means alot of crap is still cluttering the place....just they are bags. Oh, and a 5-foot tall stack of empty boxes. One is filled with a buttload of bubble wrap.
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It Has recently occurred to me that I'm only typing this b/c no one is here to share it with me. Shame, really
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So what I'm telling myself this is all about is that one day—HUUUUGE 'IF'—if I move out, I won't have to do any sorting then. I just take my crap, throw it in boxes and go. Supposedly, I'll only take what I'll need....and all that stuff will already be in places it should be. So for example, I won't need to take the G.I. Joes with me.......they are tucked away in the closet; I'll probably need socks........they are in the drawer. You see how this is going to work?

DANGER! 50,000 Volts!

Probably THE most important/urgent post ever......

For those that read this (and I'm hoping you do b/c you are now), now is your chance:

I am currently embarking on a major cleanup/organization. What this means is that.....stuff WILL BE thrown away. So, this naturally includes pretty much anything that has no importance anymore or is just clutter.

So, part of this stuff includes memorabillia/props/stuff from our Ultra Run movies. (As well as some films that never quite got made) A few bits have already been tossed, but I will be willing to dig them back out if needed....but I'm not giving you much time here.

If you like to pilfer, or for some reason want crappy refuse, let me know immediately.....I'm also offering some really old Gaming Magazines and stuff I collected. Oh yeah, I'm still offering those videos that no one wanted apparently also.

Bottom line: Contact me IMMEDIATELY if you want this crap...b/c it's headed to the trash.

The Presedential Re-Oathening

"I was fired.....for difference of opinion."

"The Phantom Menace?"
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So why is it that people are assholes? I mean, why is it that people have such different personalities that we hate them? I know it would be boring if everyone were the same, but I think it would be better if—deep in our psyche—we thought differences were cute. You know, if God made us different, but made it so that we thought it was adorable, and not hate. There would be no war.

I would really love to continue this conversation, but I've lost my thought now.
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I'm really hating starting to get fat now. I mean, my friend Nick Frost proves that you can be cute and fat, but this just isn't cool. I really want to go for the emaciated look now. You know, Heroin Chic.

Please, if you love me, help me with this. Don't let me.....well, eat. Un-Sensibly, anyways.

I want to go homeless-drugged-out skinny....that would be cool.

Man, I really do want a beer now though. Oh, new rule: beer is OK to have.....not part of my diet.

It Says "Balls" On Your Face

Alls I Can Say Is....

Holy Friggin Crap:

Ok, (thank you, Coast to Coast AM) here's what to do:

Take Your Birthdate, add all the numbers to one digit, and that's your life-number.

Then go HERE and read about yourself. (I hope this works, I don't know any of you guy's birthdates....so comment if it's dead-on.

Here's mine: 3-20-1982........that's 3+2+0+1+9+8+2 = 25, 2+5=7

SEVENS are another cerebral number. They have a loner quality. They need to learn to have faith. They have a love of natural beauty: ocean, green grass, plants, flowers, etc. If they do not have faith they tend to become very cynical and escape through drugs, alcohol, work, and geography. They have an air of mystery and do not want you to know who they are.

How'd YOU Do? (p.s.: I did a few people, and it didn't work right, so you have to scroll down and do the Attitude Number. Have fun!)

(this beats a fucking LJ quiz....pshhhh, "What Kind of Wilting Flower Are You?")

9/U2/11

So if you go to Michael Moore's Website or see the pic of him accepting his People's Choice Award...........you will see he has turned into a fat Bono.


Where the Streets (in Flint, MI) Have No Name.

In The Name Of Love (for NOT George W.)

Ehh....you get the idea.






Kill me now.

What The Heck Would You Do In A Situation Like That?

So on Sunday I was approaching the town of Pontotoc, probably about 5 or so miles from city limits.

I topped a hill and saw two dudes walking on the side of the road, and they were wearing hats. So naturally I was going to honk as I passed and make fun of them for being cowboys. At the moment I got behind them, they both turned to look at my car, and I saw they were actually Amish.

So now I'm posed this question: Do I stop, and ask them if they need a ride?

Naturally, the first thing that entered my head was the joke from "For Richer or Poorer" and ask if their horse had broken down. I knew this was in poor taste so next I wondered if they would be insulted b/c I asked them to ride in an automobile.

And next, I considered the issue of Rumspringa, and whether or not all Amish communities practiced that. B/c if so, they have definitely ridden in a car before. (Oh oh, the Sunday night my mom and I came back from H-town we stopped at Mc.Donalds in Eupora and there was an Amish family in there eating, and they drove away in a mini-van. [albeit an older model van], so I didnt' know what the deal was here.)

Should I have stopped? I think it would've been neat to have Amish in my backseat. It was actually spotlessly clean back there.

Comments? Suggestions?

If you film me, I will kill you.

Shit off.

You Were Always On My Mind...

I swear I've had so many topics go through my head, but like a dummy I don't jot them down, so now when I'm obliged to click the bookmark in my favorites list that tells me I am supposed to update.....I have to sit and stare trying to remember what's been going on. Sadly, nothing, really.
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So I bought 'Garden State' on DVD a few weeks ago. When I got it, I noticed it had a sticker on it that offered $5 back by mail when you but it AND either 'Napoleon Dynamite' or 'Pauly Shore Is Dead' on DVD and send the receipts and proof-of-purchases in. Well, they don't expect you to do this b/c 'Napoleon' came out a week earlier (and did NOT have the offer), and not too many people will buy 'Pauly Shore' when it comes out in a few weeks. Well, I did buy 'ND' and knew that if I could find my receipt I could get some cash back. So the other day whilst cleaning out my backseat I found the receipt for 'ND'. Well, the thing is that when I bought the movie, I also the same night bought a nose-hair trimmer. Now, I have NO problem whatsover with this fact; I will yell to anyone around that I have lots of nose hair. What I object to is that the packaging for the nose hair trimmer calls it a 'personal hair trimmer.' Now, please someone—does that not sound gross compared to a nose hair trimmmer? Ok, I do in fact have personal hair that needs trimming, but I don't need anything special for it. I'm a dude with nose hair and I want a nose hair trimmer to trim my dude nose hair. Therefore I have reservations about sending my receipt to these people. Well, that and I think I've lost my receipt for 'Garden State' by now.
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I do have a deep respect for Johnny Depp, and I would marry Tim Burton, and I salivate when Johnny Depp and Tim Burton work together. 'Edward Scissorhands' was/is classic, 'Ed Wood' is by far the most entertaining biopic EVER (yes, 'Ray' was good.....but it was more dramatic than entertaining), and I'm willing to bet the magic will return with 'Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.' I do have a little suggestion for Mr. Burton: Hey, Tim.....you got Bill Murray for 'Ed Wood', and it was one of his best performances. So......why has this only been a one-time thing? (or have I missed one? I never saw 'Mars Attacks!' so I don't know if he had a cameo or anything. But dude, trust me.....even though Bill was snubbed an Oscar for that Lost in Japan movie....if you put him in another film he'll steal the show...again. Let him be an Oompa Loompa or something.
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So, taking my man-crush too far, I have ordered the Complete Series of 'Spaced,' the TV show Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright (Star/writer and writer/Director of "Shaun of the Dead" respectively) did a few years ago in Britain. Oh, Nick Frost also has a part in the show as a military nut. And too further the sickness, I also got Nick Frost's own show "DANGER! 50,000 Volts!" The only problem: These shows are only available on DVD in Britain, so there is a chance that my DVD player won't play the region, OR that the whole PAL/NTSC thing is going to fuck me over. Oh well, you live, you learn, you laugh, you laugh some more.
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Reason #87 Why It Sucks To Be Me:

Reason: Going To Sears/Placing Bulbous Ass On Top Of Rimless Glasses

Well, it all started last Sunday: I was in our hotel room in Hattiesburg waiting for my mom in her room to get ready so we could check out. Well, I had channel surfed 4 times to no avail of finding anything worthwhile (nothing good comes on Sunday mornings.....not even on cable). So I decided to read a bit more of the Hitchhikers Guide. At one point I had taken off my glasses b/c the book was too close to my face, but had forgotten where I put them. So, rolling over to look for them I discovered I had been sitting on them. The left side would not stay attached to my forehead, so for the past 2.5 days I couldn't look down without losing my glasses (that makes it REALLY tough to pee!).

So today on my day off I thought I had better drive to Eupora to get them fixed. Since I was going that way, I may as well treat myself to a drive on the recently completed Hwy. 82 and go to Columbus to see if Sears still had the same model of DVD player that had recently died under my care (see previous posts).

Well, they had one on display, so I asked the associate if they had any more in stock. He made a call to the store room, confirmed they did, and promptly sold me the player. I gave him my debit card, he swiped it, I signed the receipt and he directed me to the back of the store where merchandise pick-up is located.

I should at this time tell you that now—in Sears—people have been replaced with machines. You see, there is this section called 'merchandise pick-up,' when in fact it is a computer next to a door to the area where items are stocked. You just hold the receipt up to the computer, scan the barcode, and a friendly lady tells you to wait. You watch the progress of your order on a monitor, and eventually someone emerges with your merchandise. Simple.

Not for me......

The guy comes out, but IT'S THE WRONG FUCKING MODEL. I tell him so, and he promptly tells me "Yes sir, this is a nicer model, please sign here."

Now, at this point I feel my testicles swell to man-size and I say "No sir, I bought Model #1225. This is the wrong one. The one I want has certain features that this one doesn't."

So, I have to go BACK to the electronics section so the associate can void the receipt and make a new one. I am then sent BACK to pick-up area. The model is nowhere to be found. BACK to electronics. Now a whole 15 minutes pass as the associate types and types on the computer. A senior manager is called to come help out. She's there for about 2 minutes when she looks at a stack of boxes right next to the check-out. Buried 2 boxes down is THE DVD PLAYER MODEL I PAID FOR. The associate hands me the box, and I leave promtly. Now, you tell me how technology is efficient.
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As a side note, a dry erase board next to the machine said "Percent of customers served under 5 minutes yesterday: 100%......Last Month: 93%"

My time: 6 minutes and 27 seconds.
Well, lucky fucking me ruined their 100% for Wednesday, January 5th, 2005.

HA HA FUCKING HA.

Mr. Sir Charles Darwin, You Sir Are Full Of Crap....

Okay, automobiles have been around for like, what.....100 years or something?

Well....you would think that by now our friends the deer would have evolved the sense to stay off the damn road. I mean, what happened to that natural adaptation and all that stuff?

Thousands of generations have passed in deer lives, and something should have been handed down. I mean, the whole hunting thing doesn't count b/c hunters just get lazier and lazier (as opposed to pioneer days). Once people get to the point of killing deer with laser-pointed assault rifles they still won't know what hit them. On the other hand, not much is going to/has changed in the technology of cars. It'll be a long time before cars fly, and until then it'll be the same concept: a moving heavy thing with four wheels goes by really fast on these long streches of ground that is made of pavement (oh, and at night, two shining beams are also these heavy things...please move along and don't stare).

Man, wise up.

Well That's Just....

Beautiful. Mother Fucking Beautiful.

My DVD player has been spent. I think it's that whole ROTK DVD incident that did it.

So last night I watched Ed Wood, so it was still in the player. I was all excited about popping in Mr. Show Season 4, and when I hit eject, the tray opened at a speed that only a snail would think was fast (does that make sense?). I knew something was fishy, so I just experimented and closed the tray.

You know what? Wouldn't open again.

Wooohooo......no point in having a boatload of DVDs with no player to watch them. Yeah and b/c I'm anal and I have a sound system, I have to have a player with optical audio output. Those are pretty tough to find for a good price, which is why I was stoked to find that Apex at Sears for 40$. Oh well, I guess I shouldn't complain.


Instead I should frikkin swear like a murph. Stupid piece of crap.

Choo Choo: The Herky Jerky Dancer

Well, before the year 2005 creeps along too far, I suppose it's time for the inevitable 'wrap-up' or lament of '04, or possibly even predictions for '05. However you chose to spend you once-a-year crappy post about something lame, here's my thoughts:

2004 was a pretty good year for movies. Nay, a great one.

Of course there are the cliche's: SpiderMan2, Shrek2, Fahrenheit 9/11, and Star Wars.

However, two of the most recent movies to become classics were released this year. These movies are sooo good and sooo special to me that.....they have both been awarded a place in my Top Ten of ALL FRIGGIN TIME list. Wow is correct. Now, it's so hard to even begin to tell you how much these movies mean to me, so I probably won't get far without boring you to tears. It does involve two things: 1.) Wishing I never tried to be cool so I would be cool, and 2.) my man-crush on Nick Frost.

"Napolean Dynamite" really makes me want to go back in time (yes, like Uncle Rico) to high school so I wouldn't be a total asshole trying to be cool when in fact I was a retard and should have known that being uncool was actually cool. Fuck you, popularity. You fuck with kids' minds.........go away b/c you are ruining everyone's lives (and eating all it's steak).

"Shaun of the Dead" was guaranteed to be good from the moment I saw the first promo. No, not b/c "Peter Jackson says it's 'The most entertaining film I've seen all year!'", but b/c I suddenly saw a buck-toothed, very fat and dirty British guy jump up and say "Yeahhhh, boyeeeeeeeee!" whilst clanking a shovel with a Kricket Bat. This left quite an impression on me, I must say. Then, whilst watching the movie I actually got to hear/see the same man shout "Sup, niggas?!" and I knew I would be owning this on DVD. Besides every scene with Nick Frost, this movie has soo much depth, detail, and homages to zombie movies (including 2 Star Wars references—3 if you count the making-of documentary) that it'll make you dizzy. Plus, who can't leave the theater with nifty quotes like "How's THAT for a slice of fried gold?" and "Sup, niggas?!" Yes, Shaun of the Dead has the most intense moments, as well as some of the funniest (ooooh, that was deep, huh juckass?). I mean, when the first thing heard in your movie is "Ghost Town" by the Specials, it's GOTTA be good. It's also got Nick Frost.
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2004 was also a great year for DVD.

Now, there are the usuals, such as SpiderMan2, Shrek2, Fahrenheit 9/11, and Star Wars.

But, also the year for my two absolute favorite TV shows of all time.

"Freaks and Geeks" was released early this year, only to be preceded by the announcement it would be, to be followed by myself pre-ordering it. I, sadly, never watched it on NBC, and only saw the repeats on Family Channel. I fell in love with it b/c of how real it was, and there were no stupid creeks in it...it was quality. Hmph...I was expecting more to follow, but I guess not. Just buy the DVD and tell them I sent you. You'll be happy. If not, stop reading my blog. Or don't, it doesn't matter.

"Dead Like Me" was also released, but I did not pre-order this one. (I believe you can find a more detailed account of this item by searching my archives, or just scroll down and look for something to the effect of "FanBoy buys DVD TV set.....enjoys very much") It's like Office Space meets Touched By An Angel. Or, was that Highway To Heaven. Either way, I want you to also buy this DVD and love it.

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So with my Xmas money I completed my Mr. Show collection. The first disc of Season 3 alone has enough inside joke material to last till '06. Please, if you don't see the DVD, ask me what Choo Choo's Herky Jerky Dance is. I have so much fun doing it.

Come Alive In 2005....

Quite possibly the most surreal experience ever....... (I mean ...so far).......

So it's late, right, and I'm watching Mr. Show laughing my butt off.....when I get this funny feeling in my butt. That funny feeling originates from my tummy.

So I wait for the episode to finish and go to the bathroom.

I go to the bathroom in 2004—and I come out in 2005.

So, ummm I feel I must say: "THAT WAS....AWWEEEEESOMMMEEE!"





(glad I didn't go anywhere tonight, though.)