Talk About Quick Action....

I'm not sure if this a Napolean Dynamite tie-in, but it is DEFINITELY quick work in merchandising!!! (it's regarding 700 Club's Pat Robertson claim that the U.S. should 'take out' Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez--who is trying to make himself just like Castro.)

Class Of 2000!

""Can you believe it's been five years already!!!!
We hope to see each and everyone at our next class reunion!!!! We missed a lot of you last year, but maybe you can make it this year!

Date: Sept. 4, 2005

Time: 1:00 Until!

Place: Casey's camphouse (*1st road to the left past the academy)

**Please R.S.V.P. to Jennifer Ruth (983-5803) or Kristy Gary (901-412-9664) and let them know what snack or dish you will be bringing.

****BYOB!!!


We look forward to seeing everyone....come bring a date or husband/wife...and enjoy catching up!!!

See ya there!""

Just A Couple Of Things And Then You Can Go Back To Googling Your Own Name....

1. Spent Most Time With/Talked To Josh Mousie probably the most I've ever known him...and he was Never Cry Wolf version 2.0. We rode to Oxford together to get beer, and talked about Charlie Chaplin and different things. Good times.

2. Coming home tonight, Calhoun City from just below the Hospital to the west side of the square (towards Big Creek) was completely dark. For some reason Vicki "Mama's Family" Lawrence's "Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia" ran through my head. I had the radio on scan b/c I forgot my MP3 player....and---I SHIT YOU NOT---Vicki "Mama's Family" Lawrence's "Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia" was on 92.3 just south of Calhoun City. I swear to fucking Nick Frost.

3. I got home, and waiting on me was a sealed, never opened DVD of "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie", which was no longer pressed after 1998. I got it for $30 off eBay, as opposed to the previous auctions I've seen that started at $70.

I'll Kick Your Kid's Teeth In...

Before I get to the 'example of poor parenting,' I must get this out of the way:

I got to see the "King Kong" trailer in the theater, and once again I peed a little. My bowels opened up as well and just lost all involuntary (or is it voluntary?) functions momentarily and I was left with a glimmer in my eye and a stain in the seat. So I moved to another seat. I swear, I don't know how I'll contain myself during the actual movie. At the end of the trailer, when the T-Rex roars and Kong pounds the ground.....it's basically a "Let's go, bitch" growl and all hell is about to break loose. Anyway...on to the better portion of the post.

An example of bad parenting: Taking your kids (10 years or younger) to see "War Of The Worlds." And, being an asshole by talking at your normal "Hi, two coffees, please" voice DURING the fucking movie. To your kids. "What are they mom?"......"They're bodies, honey. Look....a whole river of dead bodies."....."Yeayyyyy mommie! Dead people! Oh, look....it's raining clothes! ahahahah!"

I swear, if I was one seat to the right I would have kicked that kid's seat everytime he spoke. What's worse is about halfway into the movie, these people's 'friends' and 'daughter' came in and just stood at the entrance there while a teenage girl STOOD there talking to her mom in the seat about stuff. So the other people just decide to have a seat for a bit as if they paid to see this movie from the beginning. Then, after about 15 minutes of restless kids and laughing, the entire clan gets up and just leaves.

So yes....yesterday was supposed to be a double feature with "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and "War Of The Worlds," but Natalie was in Starkville and Andrew wanted to get home early to record a little bit so it was cut down to just one movie. And I was being nice and went for "War" b/c I knew he should watch it in the theater if at all.

And then.......it happened. As if that movie weren't terrifying enough, we walked out of the theater and he said "my knee hurts like fuck.....it's gonna rain." So, seeing the beautiful setting sun to the west, we shrugged and started our way home. Before we got off 78, there was lighting in the distance. Yes....only if you've seen the movie will you make the connection. Then came the crazy talk: "Dude, the aliens are here." "What would you do?" "I would rather them just evaporate me than get stuck with that needle or eaten by that sphincter/butt thing" "JoelG would just look up and mouth 'Oh YEAH!'" Ok, it's not as scary typing this morning, but when you are driving in a storm after seeing a movie about aliens that come down in lightning and you're with a friend and all you can do is go over scenarios.....it's pretty scary.

I finished Paul Feig's book "SUPERSTUD: Or How I Became A 24-Year Old Virgin" and have read one chapter into his first book, "Kick Me: Adventures In Adolescence." He's got a great way of writing and the subject matter is basically the same for all of us: Losers have it the worst. This guy has lived it, and, well, it does seem there is hope. Things can only get better. Sadly, it may not be until I'm 40 years old.....but by then maybe I can fit in a little better.


Sigh. Normalcy.

And You Can Take That To The Bank....

So, it's about time I do this:

I have no problems with Adrien Brody.

He has by no means moved to my 'favorite actor list', but he is officially off the 'people I don't like' list. I have yet to see [the supposedly good] "The Pianist," but I really enjoyed "Dummy" a lot, and in order for me to enjoy "King Kong" there are some issues I had to work out. I'm also giving Jack Black a chance.....so we'll see.

That's all..........go about your business.

It's Like Ketchup.....With A Kick

So I read great news: There ARE 'Kermit's 50th Anniversary' DVDs coming later this year, and included among them will be "The Muppet Movie." This is great.....I had read that the original DVD (now out of print) was a pretty poor transfer and was not remastered or anything. So, before I spent about $40-50 on eBay, it's good that this came along.
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In other news, 'A Prairie Home Companion: The Rhubarb Tour Live Show' was great. We were kinda far away, and the fat guy next to me was spilling over into my seat, but the "News From Lake Wobogon" story alone was worth the price of the ticket. They were obviously so glad to be in Mississippi that they performed numerous Elvis songs....and at the end let everyone sing along to "Can't Help Falling In Love With You"....which was AMAZING to hear a coliseum-full of people singing in unison. If you have not yet heard of or are forced listen to 'Prairie Home Companion' only when you are in the car with me, I would recommend becoming a frequent listener of this program. Just b/c it's on public radio doesn't mean it's classical music. And to see it live is a great experience.

I hope to [someday soon] drive up to St. Paul for a weekend and see a live performance.
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Not a whole lot else....I still want some Oreos. I had promised myself that while on vacation I would get back into working out---I haven't done any since my dad was home for a leave and then....left. But I've had to eat either fried/greasy or fast food everyday since last Thursday, so I may go ahead and knock off a bag just b/c I feel fat.

Gosh, that sounded so girly.
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I think I got scammed on eBay. Just a few days too early to tell...but I got that feeling.

Another Naughty Moment.....(almost as tasty as Oreos....)

I want to take that computer outside. I want to just open it up and reach for the wires. I want to fucking grab those wires and just yank them loose so the computer can't function. I want to fucking kick the computer. I want to get a large mallet, or possibly a sledge hammer and just fucking bang the shit out of that computer. Oooooh, just let the sweat roll down my face as I watch the computer lay dead and its parts scattered around.

He Did A Bad Bad Thing

I want to do something...naughty.

I want to go to the store and buy a bag of DoubleStuff Oreos...and eat the whole bag. I want to fucking eat those DoubleStuff Oreos to bits. I want to soak them in milk for 20 seconds and then fucking suck the milk out of them, then put two in my mouth at the same time and let there be a fucking DoubleStuff Oreo mush in my mouth before I just chew them up after they have been in milk for 20 seconds and in my hot mouth for 10 more.

Oh, so fucking hot.

Night Watch (Nochnoi Dozor)

Is anyone else as interested in this Trilogy as me? We saw the preview before "Kung Fu Hustle" and I was blown away. But then again, the first "Matrix" movie rocked socks, and, well.....you know.

Men Be All Sitting On Benches At The Mall

There are 2 kinds of people: those whose lives revolve totally around sex, and those who don't like to watch movies made by said individuals.

To put it another way......"The Dukes Of Hazzard Movie" sucked.

Now, I'm not trying to be like/influenced by Ben "Cooter" Jones, but I do think the recent film adaptation should be boycotted by Dukes Fans. The only resemblance it has to the show is that it's. called "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and has the same characters.

I found myself thinking the movie was good at times b/c it had a few humorous parts, the car chases were AWESOME!! and it had a pretty funny handling of the General Lee's racy (forgive the pun) paintjob. But, on the other hand, here's where the movie went wrong:

Sean William Scott, Willie Nelson, M.C. Gainey, and whoever wrote the dialogue for 'Enos.'

I should say Burt Reynolds missed the mark too, but only b/c I like the over-the-top and zany Boss Hogg & Roscoe—However, Burt Reynolds was fantastic as an assholish Boss.

Granted, the movie resembled the first 6 episodes of the 1st season more than it did the entire series—actually, it was more like the pilot episode. When the show first began, it was a bit edgy, with Bo and Luke always making out with girls and talking about having sex and stuff. There were several 'damns' and 'hells', and Daisy Duke would use her ass at a moment's notice to help out her cousins. But at some point in the first season, the show took a drastic turn and became campy, with slapstick humor provided by Roscoe and Boss Hogg and it was always about the Duke cousins helping out friends or random strangers passing through town. But, as it progressed it did become very family-friendly. I think that's what gave it the appeal and why so many of us were raised on/by that show.

But, now as I watch the show in present-day on DVD, I look at it and think about how unrealistic it is. So called "good 'ol boys" of today drink lots of beer, drive big trucks and have lots of sex (I guess). As I watch the show I think about how if it wasn't TV, the Dukes would be swearing alot and banging all the chicks in Hazzard. Well, now that I've seen it in the movie I don't want it.

Hazzard was better as pure entertainment......NOT a stark reality of how much sex I'm not having.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm turning this into more of a rant against everything that I'm not. I've just been on an insecure kick for the last week or so. But, back to the movie......

Anyway.....I've mentioned the good parts, so here's the bad: Uncle Jesse is supposed to be the patriarch...the glue that holds the family together. He loves his family and (in the show) gave up moonshining so that Bo and Luke wouldn't go to prison. Well, in the movie he's just a dirty old man who tells jokes and drinks alot. Yeah, as part of the movie, the Dukes are still heavy in the moonshine business. You see, in the show.....Bo and Luke are on probation and THAT's why they aren't allowed to use guns and therefore use bows and arrows. **cough cough.....conveniently left out..cough** Also, as stated in the pilot, Enos is 'the oldest virgin in Hazzard' and that's the reason Daisy can get any information out of him. Well, he's also a pure soul. What made me sick was the first words out of Enos' mouth in the film is 'Aww, hell, Bo and Luke.' Just sickening. And so playing Roscoe was the naked fat man from "Sideways." He's much better without clothes on. Funnier, anyway. He was also the sheriff/governor in 'Run Ronnie Run.' I guess since I liked evil Boss Hogg, I can't complain about evil Sheriff Roscoe.

Oh, and I fucking hate Stifler. Therefore....I hate Sean William Scott. He's the epitome of 'guy who was funny in a shitty movie b/c he said "fuck" and "shitbrick" alot, therefore is loved by cool people.'

Oh, and armadillo helmets are VERY VERY funny!!!

Iron Balls McGinty

(And yes......'The Jerk' DVD is good b/c it's in widescreeen (previous DVD was FullScreen), but that's IT. But I shouldn't complain. I laughed so hard at the cat juggling that it made up for it.
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So after I finished 'Army Of Darkness' this morning, I realized that Bruce Campbell needs to star in a major motion picture that makes LOTS of moeny, so they'll release "The Adventures Of Brisco County, Jr." on DVD. I loved that show.

(By the way AdamH, it's well worth the $7.50 at WalMart, but you should see Evil Dead I & II first........or at least II.)

The last thing he was in was 'Bubba Ho-Tep', but I don't think that was a 'big' movie. He needs another Sam Rami movie, but Sam is too busy making Spidermen movies. There is rumor that he'll produce an Evil Dead remake, but Bruce doesn't really want a cameo or anything. So........looks like I'll have to find a bootleg collection of 'Briso County' on eBay.