Sigh......To Be A Fly On The Wall..........

.......I would be happy.

Three of the coolest dudes—Kevin Smith, Simon Pegg, and Edgar Wright—sitting in a hotel room, discussing Star Wars.

Read it......all of it.......and get depressed b/c you weren't there.

Oh, and Kevin Smith has posted a (highly favorable) review of "Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith".......but I read a bit and it had toooo many spoilers. So, find it and read it and see what you think.

Quite Hoopy Indeed....

So yes......it was beautiful! In case you haven't seen it yet....I will not give any spoilers, so feel free to read:

I promised myself I would NOT be a fanboy and instead go see the movie and actually ENJOY it.....and I did! Of course, we can all pick out things that were left out, put in, or just totally wrong: But, what does it matter?

YOU try to make a Hollywood movie AND please everyone who is a fan......and we'll check your sanity afterwards. Garth Jennings did a very good job, and I believe the movie would (hopefully) by itself be enough for someone to get interested in the story and read the books (which I did in fact finish the last 30 pages this morning), or listen to the radio series. So now, I'm ready for "The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe."

And yes....I brought a towel.

I believe I was the only one there with one.....but I felt proud. (I actually got to use it to hold some skittles while I nibbled on Andrew's popcorn.)

The only time I felt the need to nudge and explain something, was when in one scene (at a Vogon Queue/DMV kind of thing) there is a cameo of the robot that played Marvin in the orginal TV series. I realize none of you have ever seen the TV show, but in it Marvin was a tall silver robot, and he gets a bit of screen time in this movie. Other than that, I just let the movie go.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 'Zarking A'!

And The Thunder Rolls

I have to give my ups to one of the greatest comedians of our time:

THE AMAZING JONATHAN!

Botched magic tricks, small penis innuendos, drug references, and stabbing his ditzy assistant in the head with scissors..........thank you The Amazing Jonathan!

(One of his specials is on Comedy Central right now)

Could You Would You Ain't You Gonna, If I Asked You Would You Wanna Be My Baby Tonight?

I've Got Friends In Low Places

Thank you Red Cross.

No, they've done nothing for me....well, except their latest TV advert features Aimee Mann's 'Wise Up' and makes me tingle inside when it comes on. It's only instrumental, but that's OK.

What's good is the satellite feed we air in the afternoon doesn't run advertising, but instead airs PSA's and PI's.....and they play the Red Cross PSA at least once an hour. So now I get to stop what I'm doing and sing "It's not going to stop.....so just......give up."




(Come to think of it...not exactly sure how it's relevant to the Red Cross.)

I'm Much Too Young To Feel This Damn Old

Hey, here's something for you to mull over......was M. Night Shayamalan wrong?

There are 5 senses: Sight, Smell, Hearing, Taste, and Touch.

If that kid had a 6th sense, it would be feeling the presense of dead people, right, not seeing them? Am I right on this one?

If so, the movie should be called "That First Sense....Just Used To See Non-Living People."

Oh well........I'm about to watch the remake of "Dawn Of The Dead" on Starz!....I'll tell you what I think later. Although, I heard that it just started out as a zombie movie, but was commissioned to be rewritten to be a remake........so we'll see.

Gosh, why are Hollywood execs so retarded?
________
Oh, crap! They are showing behind the scenes of "Narnia" on Starz!

Yet another kick-ass fantasy film to be shot in New Zealand based on stories written by one of the memebers of whatever club that Tolkien and C.S. Lewis were members of.

Well, J.R.R. Tolkien had his year the past 3 years.....this year C.S. Lewis gets his with "The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe." Sign me up!

YOU GO TO FUCKING HELL WITH YOUR BLING BLING

I Like My Women Just A Little On The Trashy Side

Just for the record, one of the oddest moments in my life:

Andrew and I, outside the movie theater, using pickup lines on a tree. Yes....you read correctly. Almost everything imaginable.....Little gems such as "Oh baby, why you got to leave?" and "You look tired, why don't you rest those arms before you fall" and "Don't worry, her bark is worse than her bite" and "So, you grew up fast and split" and "Before we get married, we should check our family tree" and "She's got a good background.....strong roots" and different variations using wood and bush.
----------------
I tell stories horribly . Much like everyday situations, I try to tell things, and avoid saying what I really mean, and never use exact terminology to describe things and can never remember all the details. I don't use much vocabulary, either.
----------------
Oh, attention everyone: Be on the lookout for a Russian Horror Trilogy coming soon, the first film is called 'Night Watch.' I'm not big into horror, but this looks really wild and amazing and embedded with special effects. Well, the movie may suck but I want to see that movie trailer again! Really sells the movie (as trailers are supposed to do).

Speaking of, 'Kung Fu Hustle' was pretty good. Imagine a movie in which everything imaginable and impossible happens, then throw it out the window and you get one crazy movie about something else. Oh, and there's Kung Fu.
-----------------
So I've got 6 days to finish the last book of the Hitchhiker series, 'Mostly Harmless.' I'm only on the 4th chapter, so I've got a bit to do. It took me about a month to read the 4 books, and 3 months to read the last book. Not b/c it's big....just b/c I forgot and got lazy. Oh well, the movie won't even go past the 2nd book.....it's just a goal I set and I need to meet it.

Too bad I don't set meaningful goals.

I hate walking in Oxford. I feel so underdressed and uncool. I feel like I'm an old man's penis: I'm all limp, ugly and a little swollen. No sorority girl would look at me, much less touch me unless a $50 bill was attached, and all the dudes just thank goodness it's not them attached to those droopy balls.


------------
I believe only certain people should be allowed genetalia.
----------------------------
If you've been wondering why I haven't posted anything for 6 days, you should really stop obsessing and do more useful things while on the internet. Or, in fact stop using the net and go read a book.

I haven't posted b/c I've been thinking that it's best not to post something that you have passionate feelings about and haven't had time to think over. It's best to not just say something quickly, and have it come out all irrational-like.

Well, anyway the past 2 weeks have, for some reason or other, become incredibly busy. This week, I haven't gotten home before 9pm. I don't know what it is.....just an influx of work and less time to do it. I can only take it in several week spurts. After this week it'll be time for another slow-down, in which I leave work at work, and leave it at a decent time. No calls after 6.
-----------------------------
This is a bit preemptive to mention, but I only lack one more payment on my student loan. Today I wrote a check for $2500 as payment, just over half of the balance. By the time I receive my bill for June, I should have at least one more paycheck. Which, if you didn't know, since last fall I have literally been depositing my paycheck and writing a check for the same amount to EdFinancial. This last time, I just doubled it b/c I have some in savings.....and I want to get it out of the way so I can start saving for Lasik.

Wow.......how's that for a bit of bragging? Sorry......I'll piss off.

Your Mission For 2005:

Hi, I'm from the future with a bit of advice:

Go to your local theater and look at what's playing....if there is a movie you've never heard of and know nothing about......GO SEE IT. You'll thank me later.
Here are a few reasons based on last year:

1. Shaun Of The Dead - "What of the dead?"
2. Napoleon Dynamite - "Napoleon Where?"
3. Sideways - "SideWho?"
4. SuperSize ME - "A documentary?"
5. House Of Flying Daggers - "Who's on first?"

Here are some tips: Somewhere on the movie poster, look for the production company. For example, FOX Searchlight, Sony Pictures Classics, and Lions Gate Films are some notable ones. Also acceptable are IFC Films and usually Focus Features.

Thanked you and had a great year.

(You'll need to scroll down to read recent posts, btw, b/c this was posted on New Year's Eve 2005. It's magic.)

From The Director Of.....

So.....has anyone ever wondered this:

What happens when a critic reviews a movie, and calls it "The BEST Movie Of The YEAR!"........then sees a movie that is slightly better?

Is there regret for jumping the gun too early in the year?

I like to imagine the critic has a reviewer-friend who 'owes' him....and if he uses his "Best Movie" line too soon, all he has to do is pick up the phone.

To The Stars....

Think back to your last visit to a movie theater.....now think about some movie trailer you saw before the film started: did this movie look dramatic and epic, sweeping camera moves over panoramic landscapes intercutted with shots of people being emotional with each other, all the while accompanied by this grand, moving score. But wait a minute....you've heard this music before, haven't you? Yes....this moving piece came from somewhere else. But...it fits perfectly with the images, it must be the film's score. But, no, wait...usually trailers for a film are cut before the score for the movie is even completed. So, where have I heard this before?

Well, if you think back to a movie about a dragon and his man-friend you'll probably rememeber just where this music came from. Yes, only if you remember that '90s classic 'Dragonheart', in which Sean Connery voices Draco, the only surviving dragon who befriends dragon-slayer Dennis Quaid to beat the evil king—played by David Thewlis for you David Thewlis fans.

Randy Edelman's score for this justly panned movie is actually regarded as a staple for how film soundtracks should be. Now, personally, I remember liking this movie....but for fun I will agree that it wasn't the best film ever made. I just want to help point out that for a meager film, banking heavily on it's special effects and star power....it's soundtrack is indeed magical.

And the main theme is that often overused—yet powerfully beautiful—piece of film score you hear popping up in many movie trailers.

Mayostard vs. Mustardayonaise

Ohhhh boy...am I one ticked off honkey:

So, the other night I just put the Second Harvey Birdman Disc in to see the special features first. Well, this morning I went to put the First Disc in..........

I have 2 (two) Disc Two's!!!!!!!!


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

All Hail The Overlord:

Okay, so if I've never expressed my feelings completely to any of you, Adult Swim DVDs and myself don't see eye to eye.

Frankly, I just don't appreciate their style of putting out DVD sets. Now, don't get me wrong, it's wonderful that they put them out....it's how they do it that bugs me. You see, when they release a show with more than one volume, they don't keep them the same style. Each DVD Volume has a totally different layout, cover, and artwork. As you know, this bothers me.

HOWEVER, I think yesterday's 'Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law' DVD release surpasses them ALL:

2 words: "There's A Wesley Willis Song On The Main Menu Of The Second Disc!!!!"

Yes, while you are deciding whether you want to watch an episode, special features or subitltes, you are treated to a song in which Wesley claims "Birdman Kicked My Ayss." (Yes, he pronounces it like that). So, as the clock on the wall says it's time to leave, I'll post the abbreviated lyrics:

Birdman caught me on his property
He saw me trespassing his real estate
He reached into his pocket for a pistol
He came after me and pistol-whipped my behind

Birdman kicked my ass
Birdman kicked my ass
Birdman kicked my ass
Birdman kicked my ass

Birdman beat me to a pulp
He gave me a yell-down war hell ride
He told me that he was going to kill me if I don't get off his real estate
He gave five minutes to get in my Bronco and hit the rookie road

Birdman kicked my ass (X4)

At 10:00 PM, I drove my Bronco back to Birdman's real estate
I jumped over his fence after dark
I picked up a brick and shattered Birdman's window pane
Birdman sighted me doing it and reached for his pistol
Suddenly, I jumped back in my Bronco and took off like O. J. Simpson

Birdman kicked my ass (X4)

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago; HEINZ: It's America's Favorite Ketchup.




......wow, I can't wait to see what Disc One contains!

I wasn't a big fan of the show, but I will DEFINITELY go see the "Strangers With Candy" movie.

Yes.....you heard me!

That's awesome....didn't know they were planning it, but Stephen Colbert (who I ADORE) was interviewed on NPR the other day and said it's filmed, and has been picked up by Warner Bros. and will be released this fall!

Things Never Change, You Say They Stay The Same.....

O'Charley's in Pelham, AL = O'Charley's in Tupelo, MS.
--------
I know O'Charley's is a chain, and all chains are alike, but in this case....it's eerie. I mean, you go to a Chili's in Oxford, it's clearly NOT the same as a Chilli's in Tupelo. There are slight variations.

But in this case, Pelham's restaurant is exactly the same.....except for the mural on the wall. Instead of Elvis' big fat head, in Pelham there's some jerk eating soup out of a water tower.

I dunno.

But Adam ordered an 'Alabama Slammer.' Now I'm going to Tupelo and order a 'Mississippi Sipper.' Then I'm going to Nashville and order a 'Tennessee Hennessy.' ................yes, I thought it was cute, too. (And I actually came up with it in under 20 seconds.)

---------------

'Ultra Run 2' is again sweeping (for lack of better word) the Northeast Mississippi area. It has moved from Bruce to Oxford and Amory/Aberdeen. Someone from Oxford left a note in our guestbook (www.w07bn.com) and I've talked to a guy from Amory on my personal cellphone about getting him a copy.

Oh, and in case you didn't know.....'Ultra Run 2' has also been seen in Karbala, Iraq.

Now, if only I could make something else that people would watch.....

----------------
Stupid Internet.......I've had to reconnect twice since starting this post....
----------------

So I may be a Deadite now (or, just jumping on the bandwagon about 20 years too late).

I remember seeing 'Army Of Darkness' on TV a few years back, and remember it being really funny. Plus, I really like Bruce Campbell alot after being a fan of the Brisco County, Jr. TV show. However, I wasn't aware that it was part of the Evil Dead Trilogy.

This weekend I watched 'Evil Dead' and 'Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn' and thought they were great. Really really funny, really really gross, and really really scary. And as a bit of trivia, 'Evil Dead' was Sam Raimi's first film. Sam Raimi directed the three Spiderman movies (when the third one comes out). So now you know who Sam Raimi is.

Now on to Bruce Campbell. As stated earlier, you may have seen 'The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.' on TV—the sci-fi/western/action/comedy. That jut-jawed actor is Bruce Campbell. He's played Elvis (in 'Bubba Ho-Tep'), Autolycus (in 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys'), an ex-husband (in 'Serving Sara'), and a bad-ass souless-zombie killer with a chainsaw attached to his hand named Ash in the Evil Dead Trilogy. Ok....looking back I have carried by Bruce Campbell knowledge too far.........sorry.

Anyway....good stuff. I really liked that western show, though. I used to watch it on Saturday mornings on TNT. My dad would actually watch it, too b/c it was a western. BUT....it was also a comedy, and had a weird science fiction twist to it also. 'The Orb,' anyone?

Quick Bit For "Robot Chicken":

Okay, there's a 'certain' bright-eyed, blond-haired boy sitting on the toilet straining......then the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi appears and says "Use the Force, Luke!"

Luke just turns his head and looks at the camera.

*Cuts to next skit*

(And just where do you think I came up with this idea? .........On the toilet.)
---------------------------------------------------
You Might Be Watching A Good Movie If:

- You are tense and hold your breath for several scenes....not just the climax. (and later suffer a headache due to lack of oxygen)
- Within minutes of a certain character being on screen, you know right away that you love him/her and they are the coolest people in the (fictional) world.
- When leaving the theater you say 'Oh, man' many times. (if with a friend...usually you quote it.)
- When watching the DVD you say 'Oh, man' when it's over....go straight to the special features....and then give the DVD to as many people as possible.
- Jar Jar Binks is nowhere in sight.
- You discuss (mostly with yourself) not just the 'funny' bits.....but the subtle bits as well......which usually end up being funny.
- You discuss (mostly with yourself) not just the 'drama' bits.....but the subtle bits as well......which usually end up being dramatic.
- You wish you were there.

Guess Who Opened A Pack Of Peaunts All Over Himself Yesterday?

ME!

----------

Well, I have a song in my head that I would love to post the lyrics to.......but fortunately it's an instrumental so I can't. Good song, though.

----------

Sigh.......taxes.

Hedberg, Mitch L.

Comedian Extraordinaire Age 37, Formerly of St. Paul Passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday, March 30, 2005. Loving husband of Lynn Shawcroft; beloved son of Arne & Mary Hedberg; cherished brother of Wendy (Steve) Brown of Woodbury & Angie (Dave) Anderson of South St. Paul. Also survived by 1 nephew & 4 nieces, Mariah, Madelyn, & Payton Brown; and Miranda & David Anderson; and Mitch's extended Shawcroft family, Janice & Floyd Linnen, Jill & Gary Cunliffe, Ian & Cheryl Shawcroft, and Lynn's father Syd Shawcroft; and numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and dear dear friends. Mitch touched the lives of many with his unique style of comedy, his generosity to family, friends, and fans and he will be fondly remembered for his gentle nature. He will be greatly missed by all who knew him. His life will be celebrated with a Mass of Christian Burial on Tuesday, April 5, 11AM at ST. AMBROSE OF WOODBURY CATHOLIC CHURCH, 4125 Woodbury Drive @ Bailey Road. Visitation Monday 4-8PM at WULFF WOODBURY FUNERAL HOME, 2195 Woodlane Dr., and also 1 hour prior to Mass at church. Private interment. Memorials preferred. The life of one we love is never lost. Its influence goes on through all the lives it ever touched. WULFF WOODBURY 651-738-9615 wulfffuneralhome.com.

Published in the Pioneer Press on 4/3/2005.

A P.S.:

By the way, I honestly can't wait for my wedding day, simply for the fact that as a kajillion people tell me "It's not too late to back out" I can promtly tell them "You know, you're right.....fuck this shit!" and promtly walk/drive away in disgust.

That'll show 'em.

Guess Who Was Playing "Resovoir Dogs" Saturday?

ME!

Yeah, so I was looking pretty hot. Well, if I do say so myself. I'll post the pics when my mom gets them back.

So, Saturday was one of those Dreadful "Another Day To Grow Up" days. I know this is cliche and sounds like fodder for a Sandra Bullock/Julia Roberts buddy flick, but each time your friends get married you grow up and die a little inside. You grow up b/c you have to be 'an adult' and be things like 'in the wedding' and have late-night drunken 'pity parties' with yourself. You die a little b/c that's one less person (from your slowly fading list of single friends) that you can just ring up at any time and do stuff with.

Not that I do that anyway.....but you understand my point.



But back to my suit.........now that was hot.

Oh yeah, my rose smelled like fart.

--------------

I would highly, highly suggest obtaining a copy of Lemon Jelly's "The Staunton Lick", as that song is such a warm, 'the end' type of feeling. (although, unless you have SoulSeek and are lucky, you will have to get the song from me, ahahhhahah)

I wonder if George Lucas will have any music like "Duel Of The Fates" (From 'The Phantom Menace") in the final Star Wars? You know, there has to be a certain 'theme' from each memorable Episode. Well, they are all memorable, but "Duel Of The Fates" rocked! Except Darth Maul died....that kinda sucked.