Movie Review - "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle"

I just wasted 1 hour and 27 minutes of my life to see two foreign stoner guys die in a car wreck.




I hate you Harold, oh I hate you Kumar.



However, I really did enjoy the future fantasy sequence where Kumar imagines his relationship with a bag of Marijuana. It goes from frolicking in the fields, to wedding day, to 20 years later with Kumar working on the family budget and Giant Bag Of Weed brings him bad coffee, which Kumar spits out and slaps Giant Bag. He then runs to Giant Bag in the kitchen telling her that he loves her and he is sorry. I'm sorry, but that to me is brilliant. It was also the only thing THEY DIDN'T SHOW IN THE PREVIEW.


GARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HATE HOLLYWOOD.........

Call Chad Wilkinson!

My last semester at MSU I had a night class on Mondays. I would leave Starkville around 9.30, and thanks to SuperTalk Mississippi being on 5 different stations in the area, I was able to listen to a clear signal all the way home. (100.9 West Point when I left Starkville, 96.9 Greenville when I got to Eupora, and 105.5 around Walthall.) From 9pm-12 midnight the Lars Larson show would come on, which I didn't really like but couldn't not listen to. (hey, it's no Coast to Coast AM) Well, about 10pm every Monday night I would still be listening to 100.9. Apparently after 9pm or so, no one is at the station to air commercial breaks or they don't program automation to do it. Consequently, there would be 2 minutes of dead air or repeated PSA's. Well, b/c there was no one to cover up the satellite feed, every night at 10pm the Lars Larson show would send a Promo feed. It was just a repeated 15 second Lars Larson recap of the day's events, set to about 4 different music tracks. So it was interesting to hear the promo feed and what goes on 'behind the scenes.'

Well, after the feeds, a guy would come on and say "That concludes tonight's promo feed, I'm Chad Wilkinson. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at (202) 457-1770, and have a great evening."

So, anyone want to give Chad a ring? He sounds pretty cool...maybe he likes Star Wars.

Why I Hate My Life #24

Two of my most recent dreams:

1. I convinced Lisa Kudrow to star in "Romy and Michelles's High School Reunion"

......("it'll be huge...you'll break away from that 'Phoebe' character!"........well fuck me.)

2. 5 words: Mice The Size Of Ants

Movie Diary #2

Well....now I am pissed off and frustrated.

For the moment anyways.

Day #2 of shooting totally sucked.  We got only a few things accomplished.  And by 'we' I mean Matt and I.

After getting up at 6.30 and getting ready....totally stoked for the 'long day ahead,' (I had four pages of script I planned to have finished, which may not seem like a lot, but it is) I was ready to leave my house at 7.30.  I thought I had better give Matt a call to see if Desi and the new cast member Ryan had gotten there yet.  I had told her to be there b/w 7.30 and 8.

I call....no answer.

I wait until 8...no answer.

I thought maybe Matt was still asleep and Desi and Ryan would be outside trying to get in.  So I decide just to go ahead and leave and try to get him up when I get there.  As I'm pulling out Matt calls my cell and I tell him I'm on my way and hang up.  (no service......screw you, cingular)  So when I get there I'm told that "Oh yeah...Ryan can't make it until Noon, so Desi's just not gonna get up."  Yeah....this is information I needed LAST NIGHT.  Now, sure...I had told Desi last night....probably 10ish that I was tired of waiting for Matt online so I was going to go ahead and go to bed (big day ahead) and that I would see her at 8.

So whenever the plans changed....I didn't even get a cell phone message.  Matt was at Adam's house the night before, and could have at least given me a call, b/c I'm assuming he was there kind of late.

So, after waking Matt up when he had little sleep, we just decided to go ahead and try to shoot some bits and wait for Desi to wake up.  We could do a bit more with her, then when Ryan got there we could shoot like some mofos.  Well after repeated calls to her, at about 11:40 a.m. she said she had a rough night and just needed to sleep.  And we had no word from Ryan.

So the only thing we could do was splat Matt's car with mustard.  The Matt got pissed b/c it wasn't coming off after we washed it.  (It's fine now, though)

Sigh...So that's it for "Movie" Shooting Day #2:
1. Matt driving inside car
2. Matt's car driving past
3. Car wash
4. Mustard splat

Famous last words to an Instant Message:
"See you early......long day ahead."

WARNING: GIRLS SHOULD NOT READ THIS....(Even I May Be Offended)

So....every guy has waited 10 years to see Halle Berry totally naked.
 
Well, at least now we get to see her AS a pussy.
 
 
(cue laughter)
 
 
Well, I'm sure that several million people will......b/c I'm not gonna give her the pleasure (again...cue giggle) of me buying a ticket to her shitty litterbox of a movie.
 
Dang....I didn't realize that her movie had so many jokes to be made.  Maybe I should go see it.
 
 

I Aint' Here To Cause No Trouble....

I'm just here to do tha SuperBowl Shuffle!
 
 
 
 
 
 
..........nothing?
 
Too old of a reference?
 
 
So....no one knows of William "The Refrigerator" Perry and the Chicago Bears singing the "SuperBowl Shuffle"?

Which Makes Him That Much Cooler....

John Stewart (of The Daily Show w/John Stewart) is left handed.....much like yours truly.

Movie Diary #1

Well....Wednesday, July 14, 2004 was the first day of shooting our movie.

I think overall, everything went well. Many thanks to Natalie for letting Matt into her apartment complex. I'm sure she'll receive calls from the neighbors about "What tha HELL was going on in there?" Even I was getting concerned. Also thanks to Matt's mom for letting us spill (as Mr. Stevo calls them) "Fruity Tooties" everywhere.

So out of cheapness and lack of actual film-making know-how, we had/will have to shoot in Matt's house and in locations that are readily available. And seeing as how I don't know that many people...much less many who would let us shoot at their place....the movie will NOT have very many exotic scenery. Sigh.

But I'm pleased because we got the first scene completed for the most part...at least the opening credit sequence. So when I'm able to I would like to go ahead and get a rough cut finished to see if Andrew can score it. Then I should be able to get a feel for how it's all going to work out. Because right now, you have as as much of an idea as I do.

So that's it for "Movie" Shooting Day #1.
1. Opening Scene - Alarm Clock, Pouring cereal
2. Computer scene - principal shots
3. Everything in the Bathroom (although we forgot [!] to actually shoot Matt's foot slipping on the soap)

UPDATE:

This should be #3 on the chocolate milk list...

3. The milk left at the bottom of a bowl of chocolate cereal. Most preferably Cocoa DynoBites or Cocoa Puffs.

Don't Go To Jail Because You Have To Toss The Salad

Consistencies And Qualites Of Chocolate Milk:

Order from best to not as best: (b/c there can be NO bad Chocolate milk...almost!)

1. Luvell..in that little brown bottle at your local gas station. It's really good late at night coming home from a show.

2. Just a bit of Hershey's® syrup mixed with milk. It's gotta be just enough to turn it a light beige color. The consistency is really thin. The thick syrup magically thins the thick (2% is the ONLY milk worth drinking) milk so it's perfect for eating with PB&J.

3. Hershey's® syrup mixed properly. It's pretty good....I wish I had a blender. I hate stirring.

4. Chocolate milk in those little cardboard containers. It's been 15 years since I had one, but from what I remember it was great. At least when I could get it open.

5. Waffle House Chocolate Milk.

6. IHOP Chocolate Milk. (if I got free refills EVERY time, it would be #5.)

7. YooHoo Double. It's better than YooHoo.

8. YooHoo. It's not REAL chocotlate milk.

9. Nestle® powder (bleh) chocolate milk. Darn, I HATE that powder. Chocolate milk should NOT be GRITTY! However, if there is absolutely NO other chocomilk around...I'll take it. Here's how to mix it, though: Pour a bit of powder, followed by about 1/3 milk, stir. Add a bit more powder, fill milk to just over half full....stir. Once you've eliminated as much powder as possible....fill to top with milk and stir once again.

10. Carnation instant breakfast. For breakfast on-the-go.


**please note that I have never had ovaltine, therefore can't rank it. If I left anything out, let me know and I will correct it.

I Like You, Yeah I Like You, I Wanna Be So Bohemian Like You (Thank You GM For Putting That Song In Your Commercial)

So the tooth fairy is probably the most under appreciated fantasy character of them all.

I mean, the tooth fairy doesn't even have a backstory.

we know that Santa lives in the North pole, and the Easter bunny humps little kids....but NOTHING is known about the tooth fairy. I mean, thanks to movies like The Santa Clause and Ernest Saves Christmas, we know intimate things like how Santa makes it to every house and where he keeps all the presents (in his little ball).

Well I have a new idea for a service that would improve the Tooth Fairy's status. It's the new and improved Tooth Fairy Services, Ltd.

Ok, get this...not only does the Fairy (giggle) check under pillows and get rid of nasty dried-blood teeth, but she/he (giggle) also performs a full dental checkup, and dental-releated services around the house. What is the one thing you use for months--without replacing as often as you should that deteriorates and is keeping you from full dental health?

YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!

Think about it...you never really know when to replace it! You just wait for it to flatten out, costing you valuable brushing and cleaning care. What if the fairy checked your bathroom and replaced your toothbrushes? She wouldn't even need a fee.......you just get one less quarter under your pillow. He gets the money from somewhere, so it's costing her anyway. Think of it as a gift. She/he could also replace floss when needed, and refill whatever brand of mouthwash you use.

This may be the greatest idea ever for the Tooth Fairy. Maybe THEN they'll start making movies about ....it.

So consider Santa overrated. He just brings you junk, and fills your stocking with candy. Now, does that mean he cares about you? NO! That tooth fairy cares about your tooth health!

Look Ma! NO STRINGS

So.....there's a Thunderbirds movie.

.......and they are real actors.......

...no strings.......

uh huh.


(in case you are scratching your heads, The Thunderbirds was a 1960s British action-adventure series. However, the actors were actually marionettes. No real people. I mean, they could have at least animated the new movie. Oh well, I don't work in Hollywood so I can't tell them when their movies are stupid.)

Too Bad Richard Simmons Is Jewish....

So, now it's gone really far....

As I'm watching the Cosby Show, I'm seeing an ad for something called "Sweatin' with the Spirit." ........Now i'll give you a few seconds to think about that.

Yes.....dancing workouts to contemporary gospel music.

Kirk Franklin, Yolanda Adams, and many more gospel artists encourage you to 'get up and dance with the music...not just listen to it.'

As Kirk Franklin said, 'You gotta put down that food, even put down that Bible for a minute and get up.'

Daddy Was A Street Corner

Know your limitations, my mother said.
She's dead. Her words linger on.
Full Fledged you flywords die...
Full Fledged the wind of change.


Courtesy of Engrish.com

Oh, can Will Ferrell ever make a movie in which he DOESN'T get naked?

What They DON'T Want You To Know....

So now I'm watching an adobrable ad for Charmin toilet paper in which those lovable animated bears are so happily enjoying life and...ummm.....doing something behind a tree.

You've all seen these ads, and many other cutesy ads for toilet paper in which a baby is tiptoeing across a 1 ply sheet of wet toilet paper, just to prove that theirs is strongest. There's always the ad where someone plans for a bumpy road trip by packing lots of toilet paper in their shorts to pad them. And of course, there's always the ads that claim their toilet paper is sooo soft you just want to squeeze and squeeze all night.

BUT.......even with all the clever, and not to mention cute, marketing of the best, strongest, and softest toilet papers, there is one teeny tiny little thing they forget to mention: what toilet paper is really used for.

Yeah, you see it's all a big government conspiracy. It all died with Kennedy, and we cannot trust the government now b/c of it.

Well, after years of research at my own personal expense, I now have the truth.

Pull your chair closer, b/c this is a secret:

Toilet paper....is used.....TO WIPE YOUR ASS!



Yeah, you see, no matter how much money is spent on clever ways to sell the Charmin, nothing can hide (yet they can't say it exactly) the fact that you are NOT going to use it to pad yourself for a bumpy ride. Nor will you use it so your infant child can tiptoe across to the kitchen sink. YOU USE IT TO WIPE YOUR ASS.

Oh yeah, you know that cute bear ad where the cubs are squatting behind a tree?
THEY ARE TAKING A SHIT. IT'S WHAT BEARS DO.

So next time you hear the tinkling music of a squeezably soft ad, think about that tissue.......scraping the poo off of that person's bottom.

There....I said it.....now if the government comes looking for me, I'm as good as dead. But I feel so much better that I've revealed the truth.

So happy wiping, people!



Next weeks topic: Tampons

Ok ok, I'll Admit It....

I can't fit into most shirts i wore in high school.

I apologize for the man-boobage.

Does someone want to help me with a diet?

My brother remarked this weekend that it looked like i was buffing up. I told him it was just that i like eating snickers bars....alot.

I really want to exercise, but i need a buddy.