Reason #87 Why It Sucks To Be Me:

Reason: Going To Sears/Placing Bulbous Ass On Top Of Rimless Glasses

Well, it all started last Sunday: I was in our hotel room in Hattiesburg waiting for my mom in her room to get ready so we could check out. Well, I had channel surfed 4 times to no avail of finding anything worthwhile (nothing good comes on Sunday mornings.....not even on cable). So I decided to read a bit more of the Hitchhikers Guide. At one point I had taken off my glasses b/c the book was too close to my face, but had forgotten where I put them. So, rolling over to look for them I discovered I had been sitting on them. The left side would not stay attached to my forehead, so for the past 2.5 days I couldn't look down without losing my glasses (that makes it REALLY tough to pee!).

So today on my day off I thought I had better drive to Eupora to get them fixed. Since I was going that way, I may as well treat myself to a drive on the recently completed Hwy. 82 and go to Columbus to see if Sears still had the same model of DVD player that had recently died under my care (see previous posts).

Well, they had one on display, so I asked the associate if they had any more in stock. He made a call to the store room, confirmed they did, and promptly sold me the player. I gave him my debit card, he swiped it, I signed the receipt and he directed me to the back of the store where merchandise pick-up is located.

I should at this time tell you that now—in Sears—people have been replaced with machines. You see, there is this section called 'merchandise pick-up,' when in fact it is a computer next to a door to the area where items are stocked. You just hold the receipt up to the computer, scan the barcode, and a friendly lady tells you to wait. You watch the progress of your order on a monitor, and eventually someone emerges with your merchandise. Simple.

Not for me......

The guy comes out, but IT'S THE WRONG FUCKING MODEL. I tell him so, and he promptly tells me "Yes sir, this is a nicer model, please sign here."

Now, at this point I feel my testicles swell to man-size and I say "No sir, I bought Model #1225. This is the wrong one. The one I want has certain features that this one doesn't."

So, I have to go BACK to the electronics section so the associate can void the receipt and make a new one. I am then sent BACK to pick-up area. The model is nowhere to be found. BACK to electronics. Now a whole 15 minutes pass as the associate types and types on the computer. A senior manager is called to come help out. She's there for about 2 minutes when she looks at a stack of boxes right next to the check-out. Buried 2 boxes down is THE DVD PLAYER MODEL I PAID FOR. The associate hands me the box, and I leave promtly. Now, you tell me how technology is efficient.
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As a side note, a dry erase board next to the machine said "Percent of customers served under 5 minutes yesterday: 100%......Last Month: 93%"

My time: 6 minutes and 27 seconds.
Well, lucky fucking me ruined their 100% for Wednesday, January 5th, 2005.

HA HA FUCKING HA.