Men Be All Sitting On Benches At The Mall

There are 2 kinds of people: those whose lives revolve totally around sex, and those who don't like to watch movies made by said individuals.

To put it another way......"The Dukes Of Hazzard Movie" sucked.

Now, I'm not trying to be like/influenced by Ben "Cooter" Jones, but I do think the recent film adaptation should be boycotted by Dukes Fans. The only resemblance it has to the show is that it's. called "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and has the same characters.

I found myself thinking the movie was good at times b/c it had a few humorous parts, the car chases were AWESOME!! and it had a pretty funny handling of the General Lee's racy (forgive the pun) paintjob. But, on the other hand, here's where the movie went wrong:

Sean William Scott, Willie Nelson, M.C. Gainey, and whoever wrote the dialogue for 'Enos.'

I should say Burt Reynolds missed the mark too, but only b/c I like the over-the-top and zany Boss Hogg & Roscoe—However, Burt Reynolds was fantastic as an assholish Boss.

Granted, the movie resembled the first 6 episodes of the 1st season more than it did the entire series—actually, it was more like the pilot episode. When the show first began, it was a bit edgy, with Bo and Luke always making out with girls and talking about having sex and stuff. There were several 'damns' and 'hells', and Daisy Duke would use her ass at a moment's notice to help out her cousins. But at some point in the first season, the show took a drastic turn and became campy, with slapstick humor provided by Roscoe and Boss Hogg and it was always about the Duke cousins helping out friends or random strangers passing through town. But, as it progressed it did become very family-friendly. I think that's what gave it the appeal and why so many of us were raised on/by that show.

But, now as I watch the show in present-day on DVD, I look at it and think about how unrealistic it is. So called "good 'ol boys" of today drink lots of beer, drive big trucks and have lots of sex (I guess). As I watch the show I think about how if it wasn't TV, the Dukes would be swearing alot and banging all the chicks in Hazzard. Well, now that I've seen it in the movie I don't want it.

Hazzard was better as pure entertainment......NOT a stark reality of how much sex I'm not having.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm turning this into more of a rant against everything that I'm not. I've just been on an insecure kick for the last week or so. But, back to the movie......

Anyway.....I've mentioned the good parts, so here's the bad: Uncle Jesse is supposed to be the patriarch...the glue that holds the family together. He loves his family and (in the show) gave up moonshining so that Bo and Luke wouldn't go to prison. Well, in the movie he's just a dirty old man who tells jokes and drinks alot. Yeah, as part of the movie, the Dukes are still heavy in the moonshine business. You see, in the show.....Bo and Luke are on probation and THAT's why they aren't allowed to use guns and therefore use bows and arrows. **cough cough.....conveniently left out..cough** Also, as stated in the pilot, Enos is 'the oldest virgin in Hazzard' and that's the reason Daisy can get any information out of him. Well, he's also a pure soul. What made me sick was the first words out of Enos' mouth in the film is 'Aww, hell, Bo and Luke.' Just sickening. And so playing Roscoe was the naked fat man from "Sideways." He's much better without clothes on. Funnier, anyway. He was also the sheriff/governor in 'Run Ronnie Run.' I guess since I liked evil Boss Hogg, I can't complain about evil Sheriff Roscoe.

Oh, and I fucking hate Stifler. Therefore....I hate Sean William Scott. He's the epitome of 'guy who was funny in a shitty movie b/c he said "fuck" and "shitbrick" alot, therefore is loved by cool people.'

Oh, and armadillo helmets are VERY VERY funny!!!