Titanic Turd

I don't know if anyone else remembers this, but the summer before the awesome hit movie Titanic came out, CBS tried their hand at telling the story of the ill-fated ocean liner. Most likely, this was a jump to cash in on the predicted success of the James Cameron film. Also, luck was on their side b/c the Actual Titanic movie ran far behind schedule (thus increasing curiosity about the film).

Well, SCREW YOU CBS AND THANKS FOR THIS CRAPPY VERSION. Again, I'm sure few of you have seen it, and should be glad.

It did have an all star cast: Peter Gallagher (Mr. Big Bushy Eyebrows), George C. Scott (Patton & the Grandpa from Angus), Marilu Henner (from Taxi), Tim Curry (Home Alone 2:Lost In New York) and—get ready for this—Catherine Zeta Jones (quick, get out of there!).

But the movie was of course 4-hour melodrama of the worst kind. Poopy dialogue, even poopier scenes, and so forth. Even when it came out I knew it was bad....and I was still in high school. Well today I'm watching it on the channel where it belongs: Lifetime. Yes, it's THAT bad. It make the DiCaprio/Winslet LoveCheese Affair feel like the Bundys. (I don't know—I mean that the CBS is sooo megacheesy the Jack and Rose scenes feel like one of those spousal abuse films.)

Oh, to quote a stupid bumper sticker: "The Boat Sank, Get Over It!"